It's raining hammers, it's raining nails

It has been raining a lot lately, which means our apartment is leaking, and it means that the store is leaking, and trees are falling over, and all sorts of shit like that.

Yesterday I got a big stack of CD's from the library, catching up on some older releases that I'd been interested in but never picked up, including:

Johnny Cash, The Great Lost Performance. I give it a "B+". A concert from 1990, which was when he was starting to sound old, but still had that great Johnny Cash thing goin' on. Listening to it makes you proud to be an American.

The Stars of the Lid, And Their Refinement of the Decline. A solid "A". If you ever need background music for anything, but especially something relaxing, look no further than Stars of the Lid. It's soothing without being new age bullshit.

Hem, Eveningland. A "B". I have mixed emotions about this album. I love the lush country-folk instrumentation (guitar, piano, pedal steel, strings) and the vocals and melodies are gorgeous, but at times it feels a little schmaltzy.

Sparklehorse, Dream for Light Years in the Belly of a Mountain. A "B+". Catchy yet weird, more accessible than other Sparklehorse albums. Not for everyday listening, but good to listen to when you're not sure what you're in the mood for.

The Twilight Singers, Powder Burns. An unfortunate "C-" (although I haven't finished the whole thing yet). Greg Dulli, please please please get an actual good producer to produce your next album (and stop acting and writing like a young, oversexed junkie).

Josh Ritter, The Historical Conquests of Josh Ritter. I haven't really listened to enough of this one yet. I liked The Animal Years, and so far this one doesn't sound as interesting, but it still sounds decent.

And a few others as well. (Hot Chip, Marah).

And now a few random thoughts:

1. I think I feel comfortable enough to say that the lime is my favorite fruit. I realized the other day that a lot of my favorite foods (and a few choice beverages) have a lime involved in some way. So let's celebrate the incredible, edible lime!

2. I think the umbrella is perhaps the stupidest invention ever. I would rather be absolutely soaked all day than have to carry an umbrella around for 5 minutes.

3. Writing that made me remember the time that Jeannie said: "I would rather poop in my pants and sit in it for an hour than watch Jay Leno." How true that is!

Aloha!

Miss LGG: I have also been listening to this CD lately. And no, I'm not joking. I'm a sucker for slide guitar and vibraphones.

I also did end up buying the new Black Keys' album, Attack and Release, which at first I was luke warm about, then I really liked a lot, and now I'm back to being luke warm about.

I shall post some songs on my handy-dandy little playlist player over there in the sidebar!

I spent the day today hanging out in the city and in Robert E. Lee park with my sister. Then went and enjoyed a tasty Thai dinner with me sister, her hubby, and the J-Dog.

Plans

Today I found this old picture, which is I think just about the weirdest picture ever. It is of my grandma and grandpa and, I think, my uncle. I played around with trying to use it as a CD cover for while. Looks like it was taken on the moon.



Somebody should write a movie about this picture...

I've been listening to Death Cab for Cutie's Plans album. I bought it the other day, along with Daniel Lanois' new CD, Here is What is. So far I much prefer the Death Cab. Death Cab seems to be really good at conveying vague melancholy. Although sometimes they're pretty good at conveying very specific melancholy, too. Is melancholia a word? If it isn't, it should be.

Busy day at work today.

Tomorrow I hang out with my sister, who is in town.

Now I'm gonna go soak my butt and drink a G&T.

Opening day, G&T season

Well, I feel a little bit better today, although a few people at work commented that I didn't seem my "usual self." Whatever that might mean. But, nonetheless, I feel better. The J-Dog and I had a great day yesterday, got to go outside and lay in the sunshine in the park. The first park we went to, Herring Run, seemed to be infested with caterpillars, so we headed to Clifton Park and enjoyed looking up at the trees and planes and watching the golfers. And while I am not a hippie and love the good, old fashioned, American indoors, I have to say that gettin' outside and enjoying the trees and sunshine was good for the ol' psyche.

I've been thinking about recording lately, and, more specifically, my method while I was recording 'Long Drive Home.' I realized the other day that my method has changed a lot since then, most notably in the fact that I used to use drum samples looped together and layered on top of each other, and then play along with the constructed drum lines. I think I'm gonna go back to that method, with the exception that I'm going to create my own drum samples instead of finding pre-existing samples on the web. I've experimented with it a little bit in the last couple of days and the results have been promising. So I think I'm gonna spend the next month or so building up a library of drum samples, before I even start to think about other instruments. It kinda takes away the pressure of starting with nothing and then trying to finish the day with a mostly-completed song.

I enjoyed my first G&T of the summer tonight. It seems to be doing the trick.

Should have a busy day at work tomorrow, but hopefully that should make it go by quickly.

Oh, and I got a call from my brother tonight, who told me that, contrary to what I had previously reported not too long ago, they will not be having another kid. False alarm, apparently.

Each week, of course...

Not too much going on. I feel like I could use a day off work, cause I've been tired and grumpy and and overly sassy lately.

Two nights ago Jeannie and I came into possession of a free ticket to a This American Life live satellite event that was beamed to a somewhat local movie theatre (and other theatres around the country). So that was cool, we headed down to a theatre in Columbia, MD and watched Ira glass talk about stuff. It was good to go on an unexpected date, and it was fun to see something live, something that wasn't afraid to show things going not-right (technical glitches, people adjusting to unexpected questions/situations on the fly) on a large, national scale.

Then last night we went to a dinner gathering of folks from Jeannie's job. Which was fine. Good food, low-key. Then I went home and watched the latest episode of LOST, which was pretty uneventful but not the worst episode ever.

Anyway, I feel like I'm ready for another vacation already. This sucks.

My sister and her husband will be in town for a visit this week. Looking forward to it.

Salisbury Steak

Enough about turds. Although, yes, Miss LGG, it was a nice turd.


Today I was working at a store on the Eastern Shore of Maryland, which meant that I had to drive 2 1/2 hours to and from work. Which kinda sucked. But they're paying me 50.5 cents per mile, which means I'll make an extra 120 bucks for my trouble. Which I can use. I went down there to train some dude. Who was from Belfast so he talked funny.

I am tired this evening. But my girlfriend has promised me ice cream if I go for a walk with her, so it looks like I'll be going for a walk. I hope the ice cream doesn't give me immediate and forceful diarrhea. But just to be on the safe side, I don't get the ice cream until the end of the walk.

You shoulda seen the dinner I made for myself tonight: two burgers, green beans, baked potato (My name is potato!), and a big glassa milk. Yum goddam yum.

Jeannie just said:

"Don't you fuckin' look at me! Grrrrr!"

To my homeboys:

If you're ever out and about, maybe hanging at your local grocery store or, I don't know....say a bookstore, and you think it would be a funny joke to take a shit in one of the urinals in the men's room, don't do it. Cause somebody is gonna have to clean your turd(s) out of the urinal. And that somebody might be the only male manager in the building, even if it's the music manager, who has nothing even vaguely resembling "turd removal" in his job description. Think about it.

Um, I forget...what was your name again?

I found this YouTube clip on the blog of someone I don't know.

The woman in it kinda reminds me of myself.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=gdXfML9gUmU

But then again, the animated potato also reminds me of myself.

The Office

Jesus Christ. I had to go to an 8 hour meeting today, and the topic of said meeting was the book The Five Dysfunctions of a Team. This, by itself, equals a bad day, but my day was made even more painful by the fact that:

1. 6 of the 8 members of the "team" (including myself) had had this meeting before, about 6 months ago, but at least then it was stretched out over 6 weeks. So we were talking about all the same shit except with 2 new people.

2. I had to poop for the entire 8 hours.


Fuck this.

Spring Wind (or, I am a big can of clever)

I found out today from my brother that he and his wife are expecting bambino numero 3. Huzzah!

The weather here has been beautiful lately, it's getting warm (at times a little too warm...a too-early preview of the hot bullshit that is to come...) and sunny and thus it is, for the most part, nice to be outside. So I spent a good portion of the day in bed. And then went to work, which was boring and stupid.

Tomorrow the J-Dog will be gone for at least a good chunk of the day, and I have the day off work, so I will be forced to drum up some entertainment for myself. At the moment I have grand schemes of going grocery shopping, doing laundry, dishes, and going to the gym. We'll see how it all pans out. I would also like to start working on the next Spiff song.

I have, for the first time in the 8 or so years that the book has been sitting on my shelf, reached page 100 in Mason and Dixon. I'm a little unnerved, because once I've finished this book, I don't have any other books on my "I will finish this book one day, goddammit." list. There are a couple of books that I may or may not read (Moby Dick, Don Quixote) but none that I've sworn to conquer.

If you're feeling nostalgic for some mid-80's, feminine male, British, politically savvy pop music, go get yourself the Housemartins' cd's, London 0 Hull 4 and The People Who Grinned Themselves To Death. Some catchy shit. WARNING TO BJ AND POSSIBLY OTHERS: Several members of the Housemartins went on to form The Beatiful South, so if you don't like The Beautiful South you probably won't like the Housemartins. FUN FACT: Norman Cook, aka Fatboy Slim, was the bass player for the Housemartins.

Huzzah!

Two and 2

Only a quick 2 things to note:

1. Last night I began, yet again, to read Mason and Dixon. It made more sense than I remember it making. Maybe I will make it past page 30 this time. This one's for you, BJ. You owe me an Infinite Jest attempt.

2. I think I might have finally put together a decent mix of the Seanyboy song I've been working on. I just have to take it to work tomorrow to test it on our super-bass headphones.

Oh, and if you want to see picture of a good kid lookin' like an idjit, check out the Schluetermetz blog today.

I am a failure. And a loser.

Got up early this morning to go to a meeting at work that had been canceled. So I went to the gym instead. Came home and worked on a lot of music of different varieties. I spent some time last night and continued today) working on a song of my own that I knew was a big waste of time because it was too repetitive and got too muddy. And I was right, it was a big waste of time because it's too repetitive and gets too muddy. Also spent some time trying to mix one of Seanyboy's songs but it never really came together. So I'll work on that one again tomorrow. And then I also worked on another song of my cousin's, and the jury's still out on that one, but if I decide to put more effort into it, it's gonna need a lot more effort, so I have to decide whether it's worth the time or if I should just start over.

Then I took a nap and then I went to work.

So today was kinda frustrating, but not too frustrating because I didn't have any high hopes. Tomorrow I'm off work (for the most part) and so hopefully I'll be able to put more focus into working on Sean's song.

I was thinking about collaborative art the other day, and I decided that I function best during the early stages of a project: getting from the point where you have a few ideas and not much else and making something worthwhile out of them. I'm really not very useful once the project has progressed past that point and you want to turn it into something good and beautiful and detailed and polished.

Plans for a potential trip to Ohio in late May are brewing.

Old Potatoes

I've been sitting here for a few minutes trying to come up with a good title for this blog, but nothing interesting is surfacing. Nothing witty, nor pleasantly mundane, nor unintentionally poignant.

It's easier to make potato wedges than it is to make potato chips.

Yesterday on my day off I did very few of the things that I had proposed that I was going to do. I ate no bacon (I did defrost some, though). I spent no more time outside than I did inside, but had a balanced mix of indoor and outdoor activities. I did a lot of cleaning. I took our broken TV to the recycling place. I consciously took a day off of working on music, even though it probably would have been a decent day to work on music.

Weather's been getting warmer. I took the winter coats off of the hooks in the hallway and put them in the coat closet.

I think I found the source of the gnats. (old potatoes)

Cuttin' it down to size

This goddamned blog takes too damn long to load. And so, although I like the idea of the whole thing unfurling like a Chinese scroll when you load the page, I'm going to tell it to only show a portion of the posts on the first page. For those of you who like to re-read all of the previous posts to feel caught up whenever I post a new post, I apologize for the inconvenience that this might cause.

Work has been kickin' my ass around for the last few days. But I'm off tomorrow and I plan on relaxin' and eatin bacon.

Mixing the songs that Sean and I worked on is also kickin' my ass. It's just been slow going.

Random lightning round:

A few days ago Jeannie and I saw two beavers.

I have some sort of subterranean pimple underneath my right eyebrow.

Yes, Schlueter, I probably do still have that old white T-shirt from the photo I found. In fact, I might currently be wearing it.

Spiff is going to be opening up for Michael Franti and Spearhead. I saw Michael Franti in the very early 90's when his band The Disposable Heroes of Hiphoprosy opened up for U2.

My car has been in the shop for the last few days. Jeannie talked to the mechanic yesterday and today and he says that my car has stumped him and he hates my car.

I am getting rid of a lot of my books and keeping only the essentials.

I'm thinking about getting the new Black Keys album.

J-Dog and I both really like Newcastle beer.

I realized today as I drove to work that if J-Dog and I lived in a house instead of an apartment I would probably throw parties.

Not looking forward to the summer heat.

Weird little gnats are coming from somewhere...

I'm either going to spend tomorrow entirely inside or I'm going to try to get outside.

The Remix Project (or, 350 and rollin'!)

Well, this is a first.

Someone who I don't know contacted me via Myspace and told me that they found one of my songs (27) on a music download site and remixed it. I am flattered. And I like the remix.

You can listen to it here. It's the track called "I'm sorry." It was recommended to me to listen to it in headphones because it hasn't been mixed yet.

Anyway. That's kinda weird and cool and it feels strange.

I went out tonight after work with folks from work to commemorate Adrienne's last day at the B&N. It was a good time. So now that I'm home I'm continuing the party with a beer and a baguette.

The Alaska trip has been on my brain ever since we've been back. People have asked if I want to move to Alaska now that I've visited, and the honest answer is no, I don't really feel like it's the place for the J-Dog and I to move. Alaska seems to be a place for people who know that they're meant to be there. And I thought it was gorgeous and peaceful and fun, but I don't think I'm meant to be there. But damn, it was good to see Seanyboy. There's something musical that clicks between he and I that makes both of us do better work than we do individually, I think. I feel like if we had a week to hang out with nothing else to do, we could write a hundred good songs. So we decided that the next visit we have will be a writing visit rather than a recording visit.

I've been spending my free time mixing the songs that Sean and I worked on. It's been going pretty well. I think that everything we worked on is really solid, and it's just a matter of making it sound as good as it possibly can. Things are starting to shape up...

Tomorrow the J-Dog and I get to spend all day together, which should be pretty awesome. We started some Spring cleaning today (gathering together all the old clothes we don't wear) and I hope to continue tomorrow, getting rid of more shit we don't use.

The Jeanners and I bought some dice.

Meh.

I just farted and it smells like I pooped in my pants.

I never really woke up today. I had some whack dreams last night (partially about LOST, partially about working at the power plant, partially un-remembered) that kept me active and calling out in my sleep ("Jack!") (that was the part about LOST).

Been kinda busy at work.

Have chores to do but don't feel like doing them.

This week I bought a massive package of chicken patties for $4.99 and I took them to work with a loaf of bread and I've been enjoying chicken sandwiches for my lunches. Truly tasty.

Multimedia

Spiff and Cole's House in Girdwood.



I model my borrowed Xtra Tuffs. Get used to seeing that shirt...



Sean and Jeannie, on a short walk near Spiff and Cole's house.



J-Dog and I with Milo the Dog. Not too far from Sean and Cole's.



Group shot outside the cabin at the Matanuska Glacier. From left: Cole, Sean, Tiff, Ben, Me, the Jeanners, Matt. The dogs: Chica, Milo, Kota.



Me and the Jeanners at the Matanuska Glacier.



Spiff and Cole at the glacier.



Playing guitar in the cabin.



Standing in front of Turnagain Arm, somewhere between Anchorage and Girdwood.



Spiff and Tony laying down some phatness.



The view from the mountain at the Alyeska ski resort.



Sean and Luke on Alyeska. Brotherly love.



Finally, some video of sledding:

Xtra Tuff

A quick summary:

March 27, 2008

Wednesday -- Our flight leaves Baltimore at 8AM, arrives in Anchorage at 4PM. Seanyboy picks us up at airport, we drive to Cole's office to pick her up. Decide to eat dinner at a place called Humpy's. Apparently, a humpy is a type of salmon. After dinner, we drive about an hour to get down to Girdwood. Beautiful drive along Turnagain Arm, but it's kinda cloudy and visibility is low. Arrive at Sean and Cole's house in Girdwood, they teach us a new dice game. We head out to Maxine's, a local bar where they have open mic night on Wednesday nights. Meet a few locals,
Listen to Sean play at open mic. Meet the owner of "the most beautiful laundromat in America". Tired. Head home to bed.

Thursday -- A beautiful day. Cole heads off to work in the morning; Sean, myself, the J-Dog and Milo (the dog) head out for a GORGEOUS walk, checking out the area around Spiff and Cole's house. Mountains, rivers, snow, blue skies. Very much like the picture I had in my head of what Alaska would be like. We get back to the house and have a little down time, and then Sean's brother, Luke, comes over and we drive in Luke's truck down Turnagain Arm. By this time, clouds have rolled in, but nonetheless a beautiful drive. Luke has some driving incidents, we tour downtown Girdwood, and then Luke drops us off back at Sean's house. That night, Sean and Cole have invited several friends over for a huge seafood feast. Huge Alaskan King Crab legs, shrimp, clams, salad, and potatoes. We met Ben and Tiff (friends of Sean and Cole), Luke and his girlfriend (Sarah), and Tony (who would later be coming back to play bass on the recordings that Sean and I were making). Also, Tony's son, Ashton, who was disappointed that there were no spiders or worms at Spiff and Cole's house. Good people, good food, and a very good time. I wish I had taken a picture or two.

Friday -- Sean and Cole had booked a night at a cabin overlooking the Matanuska Glacier, so on Friday morning we woke up, had some breakfast, and drove up to Anchorage to meet Ben and Tiff, who were also going to the cabin. Then we drove
another hour or two until we got to the cabin, which was in a beautiful, isolated spot out in the woods and mountains, with a gorgeous view of the glacier and the surrounding area. And it was an absolutely perfect day, which made things even better. We got to the cabin, unloaded our stuff, gathered and split some wood and got a fire going in the wood stove, and sat and admired the view for awhile. Then we all headed out for an exploratory walk, and found a hill that was perfect for sledding. So after Spiff slid down the hill on his back, we headed back to the trucks to see if we could find any makeshift sleds. We ended up using a tarp and some sort of plastic bed liner from one of the trucks, both of which worked pretty well. Had a great time sledding in several different locations, then headed back to the cabin for some brats and tofurkey. After dinner, Spiff and I played a little guitar, we got a nice fire going outside, and then had a somewhat testy game of CRANIUM WOW (tm). Some more sledding occurred, beverages were imbibed, and folks began to hit the hay one by one. Spiff and Ben and a guy Matt (who arrived at the cabin later in the evening) hung out outside until the wee hours.

Saturday -- We all woke up and packed up our stuff, then headed to the Long Rifle Lodge for a delicious breakfast with a super nice waiter who reminded me of J. Knese. It was another beautiful day, and a gorgeous drive back to Girdwood. I have no memory of what we did Saturday evening, but on late Saturday night, we drove Jeannie back to the Anchorage airport for her departure to Baltimore. On the way home, Sean and I stopped in at Chair 5 (a local bar/restaurant, also called THE DIVE) then stayed up until 6AM, talking and working on songs.

Sunday -- Sean and I worked on recording music most of the day Sunday, and then he and Cole and I went to Chair 5 for pizza. Vicious dice games after dinner.

Monday -- Sean and I spend the day working on music, we take a break to take Milo for a walk on the flats, and then Cole makes stuff pasta shells for dinner. Delicious. After dinner we played hearts, and Cole is accused of throwing the match in order to go to bed.

Tuesday -- Sean and I start working on music, and then get a call from Tony, who Sean had talked to about coming over and playing bass. So Tony comes over and lays down some sweet bass tracks. He's a great player, really fun to watch, and a super nice guy. Spiff and I finish up our tunes for the day, then Luke comes over and Spiff grills up some pork tenderloin. Also had mashers and asparagus. Once again, delicious. After dinner, a game of Euchre, which I had not played in about 15 years (although I think I did ok in Tuesday's game). As Luke was leaving and we walked out to his truck, Cole noticed a glow in the sky, which proceeded to develop into a display of the Northern Lights. Which was pretty cool. I have learned this: attempting to photograph the Northern Lights doesn't work very well.

Wednesday. -- Sean and I finish up any final recording we want to get done. Luke calls in the afternoon and tells us he has scored some free passes for the tram that goes up Alyeska mountain at the local ski resort, so he and Sean and I head over to the resort and head up the mountain, which is absolutely gorgeous. Some really unbelievable views. We head back to Spiff's, and Sean lays down cause he's feeling poorly. Cole and I spend a little time chatting, then head over to Coast (a local restaurant that used to sell tacos. When the current owners bought the place, they didn't have the money for a new sign, so they changed the name to COAST
and used the existing letters from the TACOS sign. One of my favorite stories that I heard while in Alaska) to pick up some subs for dinner. We watch last week's episode of LOST (which Spiff had been kind enough to tape for me, but which unfortunately
cut off right before the end), and then Sean drove me to the airport. And here I am, sitting in the Phoenix airport on my 4 hour layover, and I have to poop.

Some general observations about the trip:

* Alaska is gorgeous. Duh.

* All of the vacations that Jeannie and I have taken together have involved visiting family or friends. This has been a good thing. It is especially good when the friends you're visiting happen to be tour guides.

* Spiff and Cole are the best hosts you'd ever want to meet. They made plans for us, but not too much plans. They like hanging out and playing games. They sure know how to make folks feel comfortable and at home.

* Alaskan folks seem to wear boots called Xtra Tuffs. They are, indeed, extra tough. And waterproof. And awesome. If you go to Alaska and you don't have anybody who could loan you a pair, do yourself a favor and get some Xtra Tuffs.

* Steady, throughout-the-day recreational drinking seems to agree with me. Or rather, I agree with it.

* Going to Alaska and then coming home to Baltimore makes Baltimore feel sad and mean.

* Long plane rides are a form of birth control.

* Spiff and Cole are kind of celebrities in Girdwood.

* Being around lots of people in ski-wear makes me feel uncool.


Pics to follow....eventually....

The Pits

I haven't written much lately, but not much has been happening lately. So get off my tip already.

Here's the important things on my mind right now. 12:11 AM on Sunday, March 16th, 2008:

1. I have a little pain in my left armpit.

2. I bought a Temptations CD tonight at work, and while I haven't listened to the whole thing, what I did listen to in the car on the way home from work was G O O D, and pumped me up in the same way that listening to the Supremes pumps me up, but in a less gay way.

3. I am excited about our impending trip to the frosty North. And a little nervous. What if I die? What if my jeans are too tight to fit a pair of long underwear underneath and I feel fat and uncomfortable the whole trip? What if I die? But mostly I'm just excited and looking forward to hanging with Seanyboy and Colio. And having an adventure with the J-Dog.

4. The current state of our apartment has gone from "charmingly messy" to "embarassingly disgusting."

When ze Cat is Away...

While Jeannie was away at a strawbale building workshop for most of the weekend, here's what I did, in chronological order:

1. took off my pants.

2. took lots of drugs.

3. hired 7 prostitutes of various races, genders, and ages.

4. put on my rubber gloves.

5. ME AND THE PROSTITUTES FINISHED PUTTIN' MY MUTHAF***IN' PUZZLE TOGETHA! BOOYAH!

Re: Stacks

Fun fact: I hate doing dishes on days when I've gone to work, but when I have the day off it's one of my favorite things to do. I love putting on some music and doing dishes while I've got some bacon and eggs frying. I usually take little breaks to dance, doing the ubiquitous "Right step, toe. Left step, toe." white-guy dance seen at wedding receptions everywhere. And there is snapping involved, usually.

This morning the music involved was a new CD by Bon Iver. I would recommend it for fans of Iron & Wine. Except that the guy sings in falsetto, so if you don't like falsetto, I wouldn't recommend it.

Another fun fact: Both the Jeanners and I HATE to wash silverware, at any time of day or night, whether we've worked or not. Washing silverware sucks. So we would always end up doing all the dishes, but leaving the silverware to pile in the bottom of the sink until we were entirely out of silverware, and then we would be forced to wash them. Well, we recently came up with a decent solution to this problem: we took about 75% of our silverware out of the drawer and put it in a box above our cabinets. Now we only have about 4 of each denomination of silverware in the drawer, and we wash the silverware much more regularly.

The Jeanners is at a strawbale insulation workshop today. She'll be back this evening, and then goes again tomorrow. I'm off work both days this weekend, so I'll be on my own both days. So far it's been pretty uneventful: dishes, white guy dancing, a trip to the market, backing up computer files. A little straightening of the apartment, taking out the trash. Weighing my keyboard to see if I'll have to pay extra to fly it to Alaska. I won't.

Jeanners and I had pizza and salad last night from a local pizza place where we'd never eaten before. It sucked. Experiment failed.

Bemmies, Ploobies, and Dragon Tails

Usually I have to poop sometime between 8am and 10am. But for the past few days I've been not pooping until I get home from work in the evenings. It makes for long turds.

What a good few days it's been!

The Beej was here, but he is no longer here. We hung out on Saturday, then on Saturday night he went to see the show, and I went to the inter-faith comedy show with Jeannie, and then on Sunday the Beej and I went to lunch at Old Country Buffet (f*** yeah!) where I ate too much and then rolled around like a baby, and then bowling with A-Train, and then went to strike the set. Then PKP drove the Beej to the airport, and after strike I went to a small gathering of folks from the show, which was very enjoyable. Lord, I hate trying to compress a weekend into a paragraph, it's not interesting for anybody to read, but there it is.

If you know me, then probably when you read that Jeannie and I went to an inter-faith comedy show, in your mind you said "WTF?" If that's what you said in your mind, then you truly know me. The words "inter-faith comedy show" regularly show up in my nightmares. The idea makes me slightly nauseous and makes the skin on my thighs get all flaky and irritated. But the J-Dog went because it's a big fundraiser for Habitat, and I went because I support the J-Dog. Basically it was 3 stand up comics - one christian, one muslim, and one jew. And they performed one after the other. It wasn't good, but it wasn't terrible. Basically, my thoughts about interfaith comedy shows remain unchanged. But I didn't die or anything. And the jewish comic was so good, I've decided to become a jew!

Yesterday I had a customer who, when I asked him if he wanted his receipt, said that I should "stick it in [my] ear for being so nice." I think, though, that he was really being sarcastic and that he was implying that I was not nice. I didn't let it get me down, though, because his fingernails were excessively long, and it's been a casual observation of mine that people with excessively long fingernails are generally at least slightly deranged.

Last night I purchased our tickets to Alaska. It's on. We leave the 19th.

Old Country Buffet was awesome, by the way.

Someone is hammering next door.

3 AM Eternal

Brian G. left this link on my Facebook wall. It's very true.

Last night the Beej arrived at around 11, and he and Pat and I went to a cast party where we stayed until the wee hours of the morning. There was a lot of good food there, and also a ping pong table. I played some decent ping pong, and also achieved a Zen-like state while volleying with Pat.

BJ was mad that I "didn't say any nice things about [him] in the blog glossary." I will use this space to say that while writing BJ's entry in the glossary, I was going to tell 2 stories, one of which was about BJ and I driving to Chicago from St. Louis, leaving very early in the morning, and about how I meowed along to a lot of the songs we listened to. And about how it drove him absolutely ape-shit crazy bonkers. I was also going to tell the story of how we drove across the country on 9/11. But I think I've already told that story somewhere. I was also going to write about his beautiful eyes and about how he always manages to conceal his pantylines.

There Beej, are you f@#$ing happy now?

I stayed up until after 3AM, and that's the first time that's happened in a long time. I blame the new jeans.

Today I called out sick from work because I'm sick. Wait, let me try that again.

Today I called out sick from work.

Addendum

I totally left Rich out of the glossary by mistake (although he was referenced in the Truman section of the glossary). The error has been corrected.

Jeannie and I went to dinner at the restaurant/bakery where Katie works. It was quite delicious. Tonight we're going to snuggle under the covers (for warmth) and watch 30 Rock.

Big News

Two fairly big things happened today:

1. I bought my first pair of jeans in like 6 years. When I put them on I feel younger.

2. The wife of my friend Doug sent me a message on Facebook. Doug and I have been friends since we were wee tots, and I have fallen out of contact with him since I moved to Baltimore. In fact, my one big regret of the last 6 years has been not keeping in touch with him. So I'm pretty excited to hear from her.

Glossary of References

I've been thinking about the blog today, and how people from one corner of my life may be reading references about people from another corner of my life and have no idea who I'm talking about. So I'm going to put together a glossary of names (and in some cases, nicknames) and how I know this particular person or place. In no particular order, except that Jeannie is first.



Jeannie (The Jeanners, J-Dog) - Jeannie and I are married. We got married on November 13th, 2004. We had our first date on March 5, 1995, and have been together ever since, except for approx. 6 months during 1998-99 when we broke up, which was one of the best things we ever did (although at the time it did not seem that way). We are both originally from St. Louis, though I am technically from the 'burbs, while she is a city girl, proper. She and I did not go to the same high school (she went to an all-girls place, and I went to an all-boys), and we went to college in separate places, as well. I think that most everyone who has met Jeannie will agree that she is awesome. But the really awesome thing about her is that the longer you know her, the more awesome she gets.


G&T's - Gin and tonics.

The B&N - I won't say what it stands for, but it's the store where I work.

The Schluetermetz' (Jen, Brad, Henry, Jack) - The Schluetermetz' is the collective name for Jen and Brad and their children (Henry and Jack). Jeannie and I met Jen and Brad in college, although I would like to point out that both Jen and Brad are several years older than us. They are (I think that all of my friends who know them will agree) probably the smartest of my friends. And funny as hell. They currently live in Ohio, but will be moving to Oregon in the summer of '08. Brad is sometimes called "Stinky." And occasionally, "Stinky Steinmetz the Hot Glue Man." Jen and I are very competitive when we get together, and I think she probably vacillates between liking me and intensely disliking me. I think we are a lot alike.

Truman - Truman is a reference to the name of the school where I went to college. It is located in a small town in Missouri. I went there from 1995 - 1999. Other people frequently referenced in the blog who went there: the Schluetermetz', Rich, BJ, Pat K., E. Elz, Drew, K-Torr, J. Knese, Sean, Karista and probably others I'm forgetting. Ron was and is a professor of all things pertaining to the technical aspects of theatre there.

Rich (RR, RWR, Richochet, Uncle Rico) - Rich is a friend from Truman. He is the inventor of the "down home country breakfast," and it's accompanying theme song. Some of his expressions and his sense of humor are often copied by me and some of my other friends. In short, he is probably the most consistently funny person I know. He lived with the Schluetermetz' for awhile, forming a group of people collectively known as the Schlueterileymetz'. Once, Rich and I sent a series of e-mails to each other where we signed off using the names of professional wrestlers, each of us trying to outdo the other with the obscurity of the wrestlers we were coming up with. In the end, both of us ended up cheating -- me using a book that I purchased from a school bookfair when I was a kid called "Wrestling Superstars," and Rich consulting the internet. In addition to being funny, Rich is probably the most thoughtful person I know, too. He seems to weigh things heavily. He's currently in St. Louis, having moved there from Chicago via Ohio.

Aimee (A-Train) - The first new person I met upon moving to Baltimore. She's from Pennsylvania. I met her on the day that she went to the Pigtown festival. She was one of my roommates during the Early Baltimore Period, and we lived together from 2001-2004. She is also a fellow LOST fan. The Jeanners and I like to hang with the A-Train. Currently living in the Baltimore area.

Early Baltimore Period - The time that Jeannie and I lived in Baltimore, but before we got married. Roughly 2001-2004.

BJ (The Beej, Bijou, Ben) - BJ is a friend from Truman, originally from the Kansas City area. We also were roommates in Baltimore during the Early Baltimore Period. BJ is the one who got me my job at the B&N, because when I moved to Baltimore he was working there in the receiving area. He also yelled at me for eating a bag of his chips approximately 20 minutes after I arrived in Baltimore. Not too long after I arrived in Baltimore, BJ moved back to the Midwest. He has made numerous visits back, however, and in early 2007 he lived in our (Jeannie's and my) living room for about 2 months.

Pat (Pat K., PKP) - Pat is another friend from Truman. Also a roommate during the Early Baltimore Period. Also a former B&N employee. Pat is a founding member of the Chesapeake Shakesp. Co., and probably the best actor that I personally know. Married to Teresa (T, T-Bone). Pat is one of the few people currently in the Baltimore-Washington area that Jeannie and I hang out with on a semi-regular basis, although not as much as we used to, and not nearly as much as we'd like to. (Please do not confuse references to Pat with references to "Patrick from Work," who I no longer work with and thus do not have a good distinguishing name for)

Drew (the Dude, Flippy the Magnificent) - Drew is a friend from high school who used to loan me pens every day. He is probably the gayest straight man that you will ever meet, or vice versa. He also went to Truman, and we lived together in the dorms our freshman year. He once puked in a basket of my clean laundry. Also, we once drove from Truman to Notre Dame and back in one day, and on the way back he told me an incredibly detailed, virtually day-by-day account of his life story. It was one of the most amazing things I've ever heard. He is a clown. Professionally. Married to Felicity (F-Bomb). Has lived in St. Louis, Portland, Chicago, and currently San Francisco.

Eric E. (Ricky, E. Elz,) - Eric is a friend from high school, and also from Truman, where he and I were roommates during our junior year. He would get mad at me for not rinsing the dishes after I washed them. Eric has always amazed me as one of those people who seems to know everyone, and also seems very comfortable in social situations. Which is strange because he sometimes also seems to hate everyone. Eric very often strikes me as 10 different people trapped in one body. And one of them wears cowboy hats and boots. The summer before I left St. Louis, my favorite thing was to hang out with Eric and Drew and Karista. Eric is the brother of OAA. Currently lives in St. Louis. (References to Eric E. shouldn't be confused with references to Eric, Jeannie's former boss. If I ever talk about Eric, Jeannie's former boss, I will probably refer to him as Eric (Jeannie's former boss).

OAA (Amy) - OAA is Eric E.'s sister. I know her primarily through her wonderful blog and also because for the past several years we've gotten drinks at the Ritz together on Christmas Eve.

J. Knese - Jeff is a friend from high school and college. I met him because we were in a band together. He is a terrific bass player. We were not technically roommates at Truman, but we kinda were. Jeff is one of those people who will be very quiet for a good portion of the time that you've been hanging out, and then at the end of the evening he will say the funniest thing you've ever heard. He used to have a job where he would travel to different prisons around the country, and once his travels brought him to Baltimore, where he went to a corn maze with us. Married to Casey. Living in St. Louis.

K-Torr - K-Torr's real name is John. He is a friend from high school, and also a roommate at Truman during our freshman, sophomore, and junior years. We shared a room for all of those years, and I would have to scream at him to wake up because he would be sleeping through his alarm for about 40 minutes. John is known for his big feet (size 17 shoes), but more for his great big heart. He was in the same band as J. Knese and I (The Quintessential Pine Tree Brothers) and has the most eclectic music tastes of anybody I know. Married to Christmas, and they currently live (I think) in the Denver area with their little boy, Nicholas.

Bewley - Bewley used to work with me at the B&N. In fact, she taught me how to do my job. She has since moved to Chicago. While she was at the B&N, Bewley was my work wife. Bewley is a native of the Baltimore area, and when I am very old and I think back to what the people in Baltimore were like, Bewley is probably the person who will pop into my brain. Bewley seems like a total democrat (tattoos, piercings, etc.) but is really a republican.

Korn (Korrine, Koko) - Korn took over Bewley's job at the B&N when Bewley left. She is rapidly developing the cynicism and hatred for humanity that is a key to working at the B&N. When Korn turned 21, The Jeanners and I had people from the B&N over to our apartment, and I got drunk and sick. Although I really didn't drink that much. It was kind of embarrassing. Korn is studying some sort of marine biology and only occasionally fails her classes. Her middle name is Keiko.

MAW (Mary Ann, the Walshers) - MAW is the second new person I met when I moved to Baltimore, and I instantly felt like I had known her for years. She reminds me of my aunt Sharon. MAW has a way of making you feel much more talented and interesting than you really are, and she is always at least 30 minutes late. She likes terrible movies. Currently lives in NYC, and I miss her.

Brian G. (Brian Gee, Brianna) - Works at the B&N. Everybody likes Brian G.

Brian W. (FCW) - Former boss at the B&N. Whenever I have a question about what to do at my job, I ask myself, what would W do?

Sean (Spiff, Seanyboy) - Sean is a friend from college. We bonded during an english class where we both seemed to like Allen Ginsberg and not like the professor. He could be described as a "hippie," although I don't think that he thinks like a hippie. Awesome songwriter, great guitar player, occasionally sings in tune. Once Sean and I drove 4000 miles in a week. He took off his boots in the back seat of my car and his feet stank very bad. I am Woodrow F. Call to Sean's Augustus McCrae. He currently lives in Alaska with his awesome girl, Nicole.

Katie (North American Wanderer, K-Pax) - Katie is a friend of ours, originally from Bethlehem, PA, that Jeannie met while she was working at the Maryland Institute College of Art. She and Jeannie have hung out a lot, walked together, and had a joint garden together at the Clifton Park community garden. She is interested in farming. She has been known to come over and drink G&T's at our kitchen table with us, which we enjoy. She has also spent a good portion of the last six months traveling around the country by train.

Karista - I might have met Karista in high school, but if I did I don't remember it. We became friends in college, and although I usually act like I'm much older than her, there are certain times of the year when we're the same age. She is at times very reserved, at times very wacky, and at times very normal. Her dad has a big mustache. Karista was a big part of the fun of the Kaldi's Period. The last I heard, she's teaching in St. Louis. It's been over a year since we've hung out, though.

Kaldi's Period - The summer before I left St. Louis. I spent a lot of time hanging out with Eric, Drew, and Karista (and California Mike, Blind Ryan, et al) at Kaldi's coffee house in St. Louis. A time that has a rosy, golden light shining around it in my memory. Other things I associate with the Kaldi's Period: Chuy Arzola's Mexican Restaurant, The Heights gym, and hanging out at the Schluetermetz' grandma's house.

Bosco (CMB, Color Me Bad) - The person that I have been friends with the longest, I think. Bosco and I met while playing soccer together when we were around 4 or 5 years old. Our dads coached most of our little league teams together. He and I also went to high school together, where he drove a white Honda Civic in which you had to turn off the air conditioner so you could get up to speed on the highway. He introduced me to the music of Frank Sinatra. His dad introduced me to the music of Pavarotti. When we were little kids, his family had a blue Ford Maverick that had a hole in the floor on the passenger side. It scared the hell out of me. Once, Bosco came to visit me at Truman, and I got drunk and threw up spaghetti (I don't recommend it), and then the next morning he and Eric and I went to Ailerons restaurant, where I wore a black stocking cap and pretended I was mentally challenged all morning. Married to Susan, who I like, and living in Kansas City with their little boy, Henry.




That's the glossary for now. If you come across a person or term in the blog that you're not familiar with and that's not included here, leave a comment and I'll update it.

Aimee is a squeaky wheel.

Here is your grease, my friend:

Perfect Piece of Bacon

This morning I made and ate the perfect piece of bacon. Crisp, but not burnt. Cooled, but not cold. Salty, but not too salty.

Thinking about it makes me warm inside.


Also this morning: the City came and finished cutting down the big old (dead) tree in front of our place. Bye bye big old (dead) tree! I miss you already.

Booyah, it's cold!

I've been known to have some strange dreams. But the dream I had the other night may take the cake. And it's pretty stunning in its simplicity. Here goes:

I dreamed that Britney Spears was going to be performing a concert. And in the concert, she was going to be wearing a big prosthetic dick. And her people hired me to teach her how to shake her big prosthetic dick.

That's it. Pretty simple. But pretty damned weird.

Other news: It's looking like the Alaska trip is going to happen. And happen soon, at that. J-Dog and I are looking to get the week after March 19th off work and fly on up to hang with Sean and Cole. And I'm gonna stay a few days longer than the Jeanners so Sean and I can work on some more recording. I'm pretty damned excited.


Hmmmm. Beej may be here for a whirlwind trip this weekend. Or, more specifically, Saturday. He'll be in town for about a day to come see the show and then jet off. So, I shall attempt to hang with him for as long as possible during that day.

30 Rock

Well, the week just seems to be rolling along.

Over the last couple of weeks, the Jeanners and I have gotten hooked on watching streaming video of "30 Rock" on Netflix before going to bed. It is a god-damn funny show. Funny funny funny.

More progress has taken place on the puzzle. I was going to take a picture, Aimee, but I didn't. Too lazy.

I've had a couple of weird dreams lately. Don't remember them too well, but in one of them, E. Elz and I were going to see Tom Waits perform underneath a highway overpass in St. Louis. Although in the dream we said it was Baltimore. (but it was really St. Louis. It was kinda like a small baseball diamond underneath a highway, with bleachers set up and delapidated cars strewn about. Very appropriate for an impromptu Tom Waits performance.)

In another dream, I was going back to Truman to be auditorium manager again. I really don't remember very much of this dream at all, except it was nice to hang out with Ron again, and at one point in the dream, Randy B. was training me, and I remember him saying that, on average, he worked about one hour a day and got paid for eight. That sounds kinda how I remember the job.

Hmmm, that's about all for now. Looking forward to my day off on Thursday...

Oh, and I have forgotten to mention that LOST has been very GOOD this season, after an unusually weak season premiere. But the last few episodes have gotten me all pumped. Sometimes I wanna rip my pants off after I watch an episode..