The Answers

Since I have not been writing much for awhile, I'm feeling rusty. Therefore, I will use this opportunity to post the answers to the quiz from a few weeks back, as a warm -up for future posting.


1. What is my all-time favorite breakfast?
a) 2 bowls of Lucky Charms with milk, 1 banana.
b) 2 eggs over easy, 3 pieces of bacon or sausage patties, toast, juice.
c) 3 fried eggs, 1 can of black beans, 3 TBSP salsa, 1 TBSP lowfat greek-style
yogurt. Mash it all together.

ANSWER: B. THIS WAS A TRICK QUESTION, AS I'VE BEEN EATING A LOT OF "C" LATELY, AND I USED TO LOVE ME SOME "A". BUT IF WE'RE TALKING ABOUT ALL-TIME FAVORITE, IT'S GOTTA BE "B".

2. How many siblings do I have?
a) 0
b) 1
c) 2
d) 3
e) 4

ANSWER: D. TWO OLDER SISTERS AND AN OLDER BROTHER.

3. What is my oldest childhood memory?
a) J. Hines peeing on the boys' bathroom wall -- kindergarden
b) Cutting my head on a chair leg at the bank -- age 2
c) Afternoon walks with my mom through the neighborhood, spelling W-A-T-E-R on
sewer lids -- age 4
d) burning my eyelashes and -brows on the cake at my first birthday party.

ANSWER: B. "A" and "C" ARE ACTUAL MEMORIES, "D" IS ENTIRELY MADE UP.

4. What is my current favorite song of all time?
a) "All I Need" by Radiohead
b) "Brothers on a Hotel Bed" by Death Cab for Cutie
c) "Ultraviolet (Light My Way)" by U2

ANSWER: A. I'VE LISTENED TO THIS SONG A LOT, AND I STILL GET GOOSEBUMPS EVERY TIME. GREAT BEAT, GREAT BUILD, GREAT SINGING. IF THIS SONG HAD BEEN AROUND WHEN I WAS 14, I PROBABLY WOULD'VE COMMITTED SUICIDE TO IT.

5. I prefer to wear:
a) boxers
b) briefs
c) boxer-briefs
d) commando
e) bikini briefs
f) thong

ANSWER: C. VERY OCCASIONAL "A" AND "D".

6. My least favorite coin is:
a) penny
b) nickel
c) dime
d) quarter
e) Kennedy half-dollar
f) Susan B. Anthony dollar
g) Sacajawea dollar

ANSWER: B. FUCKING NICKELS.

7. I have 3 bullets. Who gets them?
a) D. Finlaysen, A. Beanstock, B. White (local NPR personalities)
b) E.V. Arnold, Ross, Beatles Guy (B&N loons)
c) George W. Bush, Karl Rove, Ann Coulter (political players)
d) Dane Cook

ANSWER: A.

8. Favorite Soup?
a) vegetable
b) pea
c) ass
d) clam chowder

ANSWER: B. GIVE ME PEA SOUP OR GIVE ME, UH, SOMETHING ELSE.

9. What is my preferred style of government?
a) monarchy
b) democracy
c) communism
d) despotism

ANSWER: A. THERE'D BE SO MUCH LESS BULLSHIT IF WE JUST HAD ROYALS. OR, AT LEAST IT WOULD BE A DIFFERENT SORT OF BULLSHIT.

10. If I could live during any past era, it would be:
a) Wyoming, 1870
b) New York, 1950
c) England, Medieval Times
d) Dinosaur times

ANSWER: B. I'D GO HEAR SOME DIFFERENT JAZZ EVERY NIGHT.

11. My favorite nostalgic TV show is:
a) Growing Pains
b) Who's the Boss?
c) Silver Spoons

ANSWER: C, ALTHOUGH I WAS THINKING THE OTHER DAY THAT THE ACTUAL ANSWER TO THIS QUESTION IS PROBABLY 'LITTLE HOUSE ON THE PRAIRIE.'

EXTRA CREDIT



ESSAYS

Please write a short essay on one of the following topics:

1. Describe one of my typical days at the power plant.

WAKE UP SUPER ASS EARLY (IF I WAS WORKING AN A.M. SHIFT; P.M. SHIFT STARTED AT 2PM, AND THE OWL SHIFT STARTED AT 10PM), HIT 'JACK IN THE BOX' TO BUY 2 BREAKFAST JACKS FOR BREAKFAST AND 2 JUMBO JACKS FOR LUNCH. GET TO WORK, GET WORK ASSIGNMENT FOR THE DAY. SPEND 2.5 HOURS WALKING AROUND, 2.5 HOURS HIDING/SLEEPING, AND 2.5 HOURS IN THE BATHROOM. TAKE A SHOWER. GO HOME.

2. Describe a typical day for me in Kirksville, MO.

WAKE UP AROUND 10. SIT IN RON'S OFFICE UNTIL AROUND 4. EAT CHICKEN SANDWICHES. GO DRINK, SOMEWHERE.

3. Describe a typical day for me at the B&N.

COME TO WORK, STRAIGHTEN A FEW THINGS. STAND AND SAY 'HELLO' TO PEOPLE. AVOID CONVERSATIONS. CLEAN UP ANY STRAY TURDS. GO HOME.