Little Known Facts (or, You Know What, Beyonce? I'm Gonna Have to Poop in a Minute)

1.  Nothing makes me have to pee more than getting into the shower at the YMCA.

2.  Whenever I microwave something, I microwave it for 55 seconds, no matter what it is.

Also, I've started wearing skinny pants and they make me feel about 10 years younger.  What's next, man capris?