For no particular reason other than I was talking about it the other day with Samuel, these are my top 5 television shows of all time (not really in any particular order):
Breaking Bad
The West Wing
Cheers
Black Mirror
Friends
Honorable mention goes to Little House on the Prairie, but I'll admit that I often have a hard time getting all the way through an episode when I go back and do a rewatch.
Here's what happened to me, and it's gonna sound a bit wacko, or stupid, or nonsensical, but I want to put it down so I don't forget it.
Back in the middle of February, I was sick for a few weeks, and I spent a few days in bed with Covid, and then was working while still sick, but just generally worn out and feverish and spending a lot of time in bed. And one night while I was in bed I had an experience where I could clearly see different parts of myself -- mainly a very young part of myself that was scared and sad and felt alone (but that also was a very young part that sometimes was wild and fun and full of joy), and then a slightly older part of myself that was angry and scared and loud and who's main job was to make sure that EVERYONE STAYS SAFE. Especially that young part of me. And I thought, "How strange that I can see these two parts of myself so clearly, that I can see what they look like and how they act and how old they are and how loud they are and what they like and what they dislike and how they feel about each other." And then I realized, wait a minute, there's a part of myself that is seeing these other two parts, and has feelings toward them, and makes decisions based on what these two parts are telling him, and this part that is watching is ME, adult me, and doesn't really have an age, has been there the whole time, since I was little and through to today. And I started noticing other parts of me that are in there as well but maybe not very loud, or standing in the background -- occasionally coming forward and speaking, and then receding or hiding.
I woke up the next day feeling pretty amazed at what I had seen.
Then a few nights later I had an experience where the ADULT ME part saw the little kid part, and was talking to it, and asking it why it goes away, and what's bothering it. And the little kid part talked to the adult part (not out loud, this is all happening in my head). And I cried for a few minutes in bed while I listened to it, and felt what it feels. And after I cried I felt like a part of my chest had gotten bigger, opened up, and more air could get in. I was able to breathe in a way that I don't remember ever being able to before, or at least not for a VERY LONG TIME.
And since that time I've felt different, like a pain that has been with me for 30+ years has dissolved, been lifted, disappeared. That all of these different parts of myself are being taken cared of by this ADULT ME in a way that they never have been before. And they've quieted and calmed down and are able to relax. And as a result I feel like a 100% different person. I am walking around with feelings of lightness, happiness, gratitude, calmness, confidence, and enjoyment in a way that I haven't experienced for a LONG time. 30 years? More?
Then the other day the book "No Bad Parts" by Richard Schwartz showed up in my social media feed (coincidence? I think not), and I downloaded the audiobook and have been listening to it over the last week. And I'm amazed at how accurately the book describes what my experience has been, down to the ages of the parts and the feelings that arise as they are able to speak, trust, and relax, and I've also felt amazed at myself -- that somehow I was given this experience and naturally or instinctively did some of the exercises described in the book before I ever knew anything about the book.
I'm not sure what's going on, but I have appreciated the weeks of feeling different. I feel like I've been given a new life and new eyes with which to see the world and the people around me, and the different parts that are hanging out inside of me. And that I know how to take care of all of them.
