Belvedere Square

Owners of Belvedere Square, take note:  I have never given much thought to jingle writing, but I believe I may have just created the best corporate music since St. Louis, Missouri's Wehrenberg Theaters 1980's masterpiece.   Originally conceived as a song for my kids, this week I decided to flesh it out and commit it to tape.  And I've been listening to it non-stop FOR DAYS.  Literally thousands of times.  And now you can, too.  Listen to it HERE.

Tomorrow I leave for vacation.  I've never needed a vacation so badly in my life.  I need to Not Think About Work for awhile.  A long while.  As long a while as I possibly can. 

Jeannie and the kids left for vacation last Saturday.  So I've had a week with the house all to myself.  It's been predictably wonderful, but in unpredictable ways.  Previously, if I had an extended amount of alone time, it would be spent with G&T's and Netflix, pretty much exclusively.  This week was spent with music recordings, home projects, sauna time, and yes, Netflix, but not in an all-consuming way.   I've felt, dare I say it, semi-healthy.  I'll be coming up on one year of alcohol abstinence in September, and I'm currently debating whether I should stick with teetotaling or whether I should try and move to a more moderation-focused practice.  Not sure.  

About an hour ago I looked through a family photo album that the Jeanners gave me on Fathers Day and now I really miss the ol' wifey and kiddos.  

Jeannie totally bumped into EL ELZ in St. Louie today by complete happenstance!

Gonkity Bon Bons

For a long time now, I've wanted to record versions of the songs that I've heard sung by my family -- by my Dad, mostly, at sing-a-longs and family parties, etc., but also lullabies sung to me by my Mom that I now sing to my own kids.  Over the last few months I've been carving out time to sneak down to the basement to work on the recordings and finally got them to a point where I'm ready to be done with them.  Check out the results here.

The main reason I've wanted to do this is so I can give a copy of the songs to my parents, who love music and have long lamented the fact that I don't do a lot of singing and playing at family gatherings. (There are 2 reasons for this, by the way -- 1.  I can't remember lyrics at all.  And 2.  I would much much rather tinker around with basement recordings than play live in front of people.)

The Middle

It's the middle of the night.  Actually, it's probably closer to morning, but I am not going to worry too much about the specifics of the thing.  I have been lying awake worrying about various, low-level things for a few hours, and trying to meditate myself to sleep, or at least to sleepiness, without much success.  I feel:  wide awake, old, slightly hungry, sore, mild need-to-poop sensation (English needs a word for this), contemplative, worried, fine.  That's about it.  I'm about a week finished with a 3-week long work project that put my mind, body, and family through the ringer and has me questioning what the fuck I'm doing.  I'm 8 months into a not-drinking project that has me wondering whether life is better with or without gin n' tonics.  I've applied for a different job, had an interview, and didn't hear anything back, and that's the first time that's ever happened as far as I can remember, so that has me questioning whether I'm spinning wheels or moving forward.  (I should add that I applied for the other job not because I'm necessarily unhappy at my current job, but just to find out more about the other one).   I am having a hard time finding enjoyment in things, which is weird for me.  I've always considered myself fairly depressive, but there's always been things that I've enjoyed or looked forward to.  My current state of being is that I don't particularly feel a high (for me) level of depression or "psychic pain," but I don't feel much capacity for excitement or enjoyment, either.  I guess the best way to describe it is that on a scale of 1 to 10, nearly every minute of nearly every day feels like a 4 or 5.  And I don't know if this is a good or bad thing.  It is bad only in that I desire 8's or 10's.   My whole adult life has been driven by a practice of trying to even-out my highs and lows, to get to some Zen state of non-attachment, and while on the surface it seems like that's what's happening, if I dig a little deeper I wonder if I'm just attaching myself to the wrong things:  to work, to distractions, to the pursuit of money and security, and that these attachments are leading to fear, worry, and the weird anger that has been popping up lately, and that has never been a part of my emotional landscape before. 

Not sure. 

I do think it's funny that in my 20's I put together a collection of songs that I called "The Middle" because I felt like I was in the middle of things. 

I'm gonna try and let myself sleep, because the gears of life will begin to start grinding again in a little over an hour.

The Armchair Expert

I have been binge-ing a podcast lately called Armchair Expert.  It is a two-hour interview show where Dax Shepard interviews his friends, mostly celebrities but occasionally phD's and other experts or pseudo-experts on a particular topic.  I'm not sure why I am drawn to it, but I do find it entertaining and occasionally profound in a relatively shallow way.  Does that make sense?  Is there such a thing as shallow profundity? 

Anna turned 4 two days ago.  Read about her birth here.

Jeannie turned fortysomething ten days ago.  I don't have her birth story on here.  But for her birthday gift this year, she got what she needs most:  time to herself.  She rented a house somewhere in the country and she is there now, reading and journaling and probably meditating.  She and I are very different -- when she is left to her own devices, she gravitates towards things that actually make one a better person.  When I am left to my own devices, I usually end up in a tiny pool of alcohol, ice cream, and TV.  Although, I am proud to report, I have not had any booze since September 28th.  No big terrible problem that caused me to stop, I just found that regular drinking was really messing with my sleep.  If I had a drink I would fall asleep wonderfully 3 hours after having that drink, but then I would wake up entirely 6 hours after having the drink.  So I was getting like 3 hours of sleep a night (fast math), and was then just generally cranky and useless. 

A-train has moved back to Pittsburgh.  Happy for A-train, sad for Dan and Jeannie, but also happy because we had a really great visit with her a few weeks before she left.  Really really great.  Met at a restaurant for dinner and then instantly like 3 hours had passed.  She's pretty much the best.  I remember when I met her on the day of the Pigtown Festival...

My latest musical crush is a guy named Henry Jamison.  I think if I was a little bit better musician, and a little bit more literate, and had put more focus into music, that the music I ended up recording would sound like his songs.  For a good place to start, check out the song Through a Glass from his album The Wilds. 

Tonight I took my kids to Chuck E. Cheese's and then out to dinner at a Chinese buffet. 

Poetry

Million-dollar song idea, first lines:

     "Poetry,
      It makes me sick. 
      It can suck
      My fucking dick."

    

We're Growing Closer Together

Christmastime is here at last.  I'm sitting in my office in the basement of the theater (where I recently

 brought some ginormous 3' tall speakers that came with our house -- they are AWESOME.  My man-cave is becoming the place I've always wanted), A Christmas Carol student matinee is going on upstairs.  I've got some light bulbs to change when the show is over, and then I'm gonna do some pants shopping. 

I've been enjoying my kids lately (although I've been spending a lot of time at work recently - a coincidence?).  It's amazing to see them developing their own emotions, and wrestling with those emotions.  And Jeannie's been doing a bunch of research about emotions and development, and people that are stuck at certain stages of development, and it's interesting to think about our kids and try and figure out the best way for them to become the best, most comfortable versions of themselves that they can become.  How they can be comfortable with their own emotions, and get to know them, and know where they come from and what they can do.  Anyway, it's all amazing.  And stressful, and hard, but fun. 

Come Away Death

I posted this on Facebook, so everybody's probably seen it, but I just wanted to include it here as part of my digital record. 

Grumpy

I've been in a foul mood all day.  I've been wracking my brain trying to figure out why, and I think it has something to do with the amount of hands-on-ed-ness that my children are currently requiring.  The kids that lived on our block last year have all moved away, and since that time Jeannie and I have pretty much been their playmates and entertainment directors when they're not at school.  I think it just has worn me down a bit. 

I have realized lately that, unless I have a picture or something or have written it down, I no longer remember occurences that are older than 24 hours.  So I'm going to make an attempt to write more here.  I suppose I've said that before. 

I have slowly, slowly, slowly started working on some new music.  Very tentatively.  Just working with a new (to me) drum program.  So far, I like it.  I'm interested in getting rid of the mountain of baby crap that's in our basement so I can get to my keyboard, guitar equipment, and 8 track. 

I am being summoned for bedtime reading and PJ-ing. 

Mechanical failure

I feel like my body is falling apart a little bit.  My back has been hurting for a week and a half or so (it's feeling better now, thank you), whenever I sit still for 20 mins or more then I'm stiff and sore when I get up, and, oh yeah, I got punched in the face at work one morning a few weeks ago so I now have a one-inch scar just under my right eye. 

Other than all that, life feels pretty good!

This will be my last blog post re: bodily ailments.  Promise.  Nobody wants to hear that shit. 

I want to dig

Tonight I stayed up later than the rest of my family because I had taken a two-hour nap when I got home from work. At about 11: 30, I walked to the bathroom to start getting ready to go to sleep, and I happened to run into Anna coming out of her bedroom. It was dark, and I couldn't tell if she was awake or asleep. I asked her what she wanted, and she said, "I want to dig."  I told her it was nighttime, and time for sleeping, and I picked her up, and she put her head on my shoulder, and we stood for a few minutes in the dining room. And then I took her back into her room and put her back in her bed.

Gunpowder

My favorite activity of the summer thus far has been taking the kids swimming and frolicking in the Gunpowder river, which is about 20 minutes from our house.  We first went on Saturday morning, when it was just us and one other family hanging out there.  Then tonight the Jeanners and I decided that there would be time after dinner for a family outing there.  Tonight there were about 75 other folks there.  We seem to prefer a spot that must be some sort of unposted Hispanic swimming hole, because everytime we go there, we seem to be the only native English speakers there.  I kind of enjoy it that way.  I always think of this Carl Sandburg poem when I'm there:

Happiness I asked the professors who teach the meaning of life to tell     me what is happiness. And I went to famous executives who boss the work of     thousands of men. They all shook their heads and gave me a smile as though     I was trying to fool with them And then one Sunday afternoon I wandered out along     the Desplaines river And I saw a crowd of Hungarians under the trees with     their women and children and a keg of beer and an     accordion.

MM

My new drug of choice is the voice of Mary Maddux.  It's how I imagine heroin would be.

Dinosaur Train

My children are currently watching Dinosaur Train on the bed next to me, and the conductor is singing a ridiculous song called Troodon Night Train. 

I'm laying in bed freaking out a little, worrying because the set I'm currently building for our outdoor show has two large, rolling walls, and I'm concerned abiut how to make them wind-proof.  I believe my fear of the wind is well documented (and well ridiculed). 

I set up a small bookshelf next to my bed.  It's one that we took out of the kids' room in an effort to reduce the amount of crap in there.  Anyway, I was able to bring a bunch of my fav books down from the attic and now have them available for my perusal. 

Deep throat

I have strep throat.  It has not been accompanied by severe symptoms, so I haven't minded it too much.  Just a slight sore throat, some headachyness, and super tired a lot of the time. 

I'm nearing the end of the season at work, which is flippin' awesome.  I just have to build the summer set.  Start on Tuesday.  Hoping for dry weather.  It's been a wet spring, so far, and I'm hoping that doesn't continue. 

Me and the Jeanners are working on many projects at our house.  Spending a good chunk of money.  Trying to clean shit up.  Trying to get rid of stuff.  Get rid of what's not working. 

Samuel is growing up to be quite the kid.  Super smart, super sensitive, a little wild at times, communicative, but all-in-all a good kid who has a kind heart. 

Anna Banana is a smiling, funny, independent, at times tantrummy girl who adores her brother, loves superheroes, and is completely and hopelessly addicted to her pacifier, "Beeba."

I have learned that I just can't handle drinking G&T's anymore.  It fucks with my sleep and generally sends my mood into the toilet.  So I have been attempting to abstain.  So far, so good.  I'll probably end up having one now and again, but I just can't handle it being a regular thing. 

Here's what I want for father's day:  a power washer.  Because our house is in danger of becoming completely engulfed in spiderwebs. 

Love is in the Air

Today my boy told me he has a crush on a girl at school.  I asked him what it was like.  He said they stared at each other for a long time, and it was really awkward.

It begins.

El Gordo

El Gordo studios is back in business.

Bing

Might I recommend the Original Penguin "Bing" polo shirt.

We are in the swing of summer.  Had a trip to the Lou (highlights:  Mossy, zoo visits, my sister's house, and my niece's wedding).  Too much 24/7 kid time in relatively small spaces.

Samuel has become a swimming machine.  Ever since he learned how (a few days before the trip), he's wanted to go swimming just about every day.  It's fun to watch him because he loves it so much and he works so hard at it.

Struck the set for the summer show.  It went very smoothly and the weather for working outside was lovely.  Last year it was about 100 degrees and it sucked.  This year, low 80's.

For the last few weeks, I've been reading this.  It definitely reminds me of some DFW stuff.

Anna Banana is definitely becoming a 2 year old, in the best and worst ways.  Super cute, super fun, and then melting down into a little pot of boiling emotions.  Perhaps I've just mixed some cooking metaphors with all the boiling and melting, but the point is, she starts whining and crying a lot.

Got to go down to DC and have dinner with K-Torr last night.  Every 6 or 7 years he comes for a conference, and he's always been good about letting us know when he's in town.  So good to see him.  A lovely man with a heart to match his feet.  (Both very large).

Dummer than a Dummy

I would like you to know that this blog isn't worth a god-damn thing to advertisers.  They just don't know what the people want!  The people want to know about my poop!

Also, Samuel has been working real hard at learning to swim.  It has been my experience that when he works real hard at something, he usually gets it within a week or two.  

Smarter Than a Dummy

Last night the Missus and I watched Highway to Heaven.  It was pretty bad.  But, it was the first of a two-part episode, and I'm sure we'll end up watching the second part.  So who's pretty bad now, huh?
Michael Landon's mother was Catholic and his father was Jewish, by the way.  We had to look that shit up.  Also, there was a Little House episode featuring a Jewish character.  Had to look that shit up, too.

The Jeanners has reduced her Habishmatt workload down to 1+ days a week, and so far it seems pretty nice, although my workload has also greatly been reduced because it's summer, which has been adding to the pretty-niceness.   So it's shaping up to be a nice summer.  Looking forward to our trip to the Lou and also for our camping trip planned for August.

Working on taking in fewer calories.  Also keeping up with the running.  I got out of shape during the build for the summer show and now I need to get my distance and endurance back up to speed.

Schmancho Schmelaxo

Had a fantastic weekend in the hills/mountains of W. Virginia, hidden away in a rental cabin with the Schluetermetz'.  A couple of days in a cute, perfectly sized A-frame in the woods, complete with beautiful community pool and hot tub.  It was not roughing it, but it was a great time with friends in a relaxing and beautiful setting.  Highlights of the trip for me:  a soak and massage at Berkeley Springs state park, and hanging out at the pool watching Jack, Henry, and Samuel playing together and having a great time, and sitting in the hot tub with the 3 of them.


We are now 1 week into Jeannie's exit from her job, and the jury's still out.  I know life has felt less hectic, but I also know that she doesn't want to leave completely.  She's still going to be working a little bit, but neither one of us knows how much or what that's going to look like.  So I think we're just kind of playing it by ear and seeing what happens.  Which I'm fine with.  I just want her to feel like she's getting what she wants out of her life, and I want us both to feel less crazed and completely frazzled all the time.  


Tried running to and from work last week.  It was tougher than I thought it would be.  I made it, but I was definitely sore for a few days afterwards.

Restoring Balance to the Force

Jeannie's ending her job on Friday.  My show opens on Friday.  We're looking ahead at a summer time of trips, camping, and hopefully some relaxation and quality time with the children.

I had a decent set build this year.  The design came together quickly, over the course of about a day, and despite the fact that the crew was mostly inexperienced, turned out pretty decently.

Samuel went through a phase that was very difficult, where every time he wasn't getting his way he would immediately and completely melt down, but he seems to be coming out of that phase, which is wonderful.  Anna seems to be entering a similar phase, which is normal for a two-year-old, I guess.  

I'm going to try and run to and from work as much as possible this summer.  It's only 5 and a half miles, so I should be able to do it.  

Freefallin'

The other night I had a dream in which Tom Petty told me that his secret to staying so thin was pooping a lot.  I told him that I approved of his method/philosophy.

My Father's Meat

Well, J-Dog turned in her notice at her job yesterday.  A big step for the O'Brandersons.   She will be spending more time with the kiddos, helping at Samuel's school (whatever that school may be next year), and generally just trying to reclaim a little time and brain space to devote to making the life we want for ourselves and our family.

At the very least, it is exciting and scary and should keep life interesting.

In other news, my job is in a little bit of a lull from the crazy busy-ness that has been swirling around this Spring.  I've got a few weeks of prep time before I start building for the summer show.

I just said this sentence to someone:  "Baloney is my father's meat."  Which seemed like a funny sentence.

My kids are driving me a little nutty, but damn, they're cute.

Whistler's Mother

I think the best feeling in the world is when you finally get to go to the bathroom after you've had to hold it for awhile.   Maybe you were worried that you were going to poop in your pants while you were driving or something.

Also, Samuel has learned how to whistle after working at it diligently for about a week.

Radioactive Wife

On Thursday, Jeannie took her radioactive iodine pill and has been sequestered at an idyllic cottage that she rented for the last 3 days.  She'll come home tomorrow.  Me and the kiddos will be ready for her triumphant return.

Tonight I babysat two kids from our babysitting co-op for an overnight gig.  All went well, except for Samuel being a big 'ol douche all night.

Overloaded baked potato

That's what my brain feels like:  an overloaded baked potato.  Too many shows this spring.

I spent the day with Samuel today because he was a bit sick last night and we wanted to keep an eye on him.  We had a good time. The best time, of course, being the 2 hour nap in the middle of the day.  But even the awake time was good, too.  He's settling down a bit, just a bit, as he gets older, and he's so damned smart.   It's really fun to talk with him about space or dinosaurs and hear the crazy shit his brain comes up with.

Anyway, I just wanted to write a little bit because I'm tired of not writing.

I've been doing TERRIBLY on my New Years' resolution to smile more.

Little Known Facts (or, You Know What, Beyonce? I'm Gonna Have to Poop in a Minute)

1.  Nothing makes me have to pee more than getting into the shower at the YMCA.

2.  Whenever I microwave something, I microwave it for 55 seconds, no matter what it is.

Also, I've started wearing skinny pants and they make me feel about 10 years younger.  What's next, man capris?

Gin and Diarrhea

Million dollar idea:

Diet book called "The Diarrhea Diet."

Subtitle:  "Pooping Out the Pounds."

Sub-Subtitle:  "Shit Yourself Slim."

In other news, Anna has gone pee-pee on the potty.  We had a snow day where everybody was off work.  Jeannie's gonna have a cancer treatment where she's radioactive for a few days.  I feel overworked and ready for a vacation.

I'm totally in love with everyone in my immediate family, and listening to StoryCorps has made me worry about their death and makes me want to tell them I love them like every second of every day.

Juds

Jeannie is asleep in Samuel and Anna's room, fell asleep while putting S down to bed.  The past couple of nights I've gotten phone calls in the middle of the night, the fire alarm company telling me that there's a trouble alarm from the dialer at the new building.   Makes for a tough night of sleep.

I had a meeting to figure out how much I should get paid to manage the new building.  I actually stood up for myself for a change; valued my own time.  Maybe it will mean Jeannie can quit her job after the summer.  Maybe not.  We'll see.

Life is mucho weird.  J's gonna be turning 40 soon.  She's gotta have a radioactive treatment later in the spring.  We have two kids.  Our parents are getting old.  I feel very similar to the way I felt my junior year of high school.