Pinch a muthaf***in' inch

I am finally, FINALLY starting to shake the disease I picked up from Jack/Henry Steinmetz. Damn those Steinmetz kids and their immune-system-resistant viral strains.

However, thanks to Schlueter and all the fruit that she fed us while we were visiting, I have been on a diet since we got back to Baltimore. Eating a lot less, eating a lot of fruit, more veggies, etc. In fact, I'm hungry right now. That's gotta be a good thing, right? I think I can feel my six pack starting to poke out a little bit...

I am so very very tired of advertisements where they take half of one person's face and put it next to the other half of a different person's face and it makes a single, really f***ed up-looking single face. I'm really tired of those.

I am pleased to announce that "Operation Buy a Used Broken MP3 player on E-bay and Use the Parts to Fix My Broken MP3 Player - 2008" was a success. So my good ol' music player is working great again and it only cost me twenty bucks.

I was listening to the Tom Waits song "Time" the other night on my way home from work, and I think I stumbled on the idea that will guide me through my next round of recording: write the songs first, and then try and record them. I don't know why this always seems to be the opposite of how I work, but I think I need to focus more on the words and less on the music.

Oh, and I don't know if y'alls read my friend Jeff's blog (which is great in and of itself, although he hasn't written in a few days), but he links to this blog about Ice-T and his wife, which is very funny. Although it has occasional semi-sorta nudity, so you might not want to view it at work. Check it out.

Tom Waits Self Interview

This was posted on Tom Waits' website, but I'll repost the thing in its entirety here just in case they take it off his site:

TOM WAITS’
TRUE CONFESSIONS

(A conversation with himself)

I must admit, before meeting Tom, I had heard so many rumors and so much gossip that I was afraid. Frankly, his gambling debts, his animal magnetism, coupled with his disregard for the feelings of others… His elaborate gun collection, his mad shopping sprees, the face lifts, the ski trips, the drug busts and the hundreds of rooms in his home. The tax shelters, the public urination…I was nervous to meet the real man himself. Baggage and all. But I found him to be gentle, intelligent, open, bright, helpful, humorous, brave, audacious, loquacious, clean, and reverent. A Boy Scout, really (and a giant of a man). Join me now for a rare glimpse into the heart of Tom Waits. Remove your shoes and no smoking, please.

Q: What’s the most curious record in your collection?
A: In the seventies a record company in LA issued a record called “The best of Marcel Marceau.” It had forty minutes of silence followed by applause and it sold really well. I like to put it on for company. It really bothers me, though, when people talk through it.

Q: What are some unusual things that have been left behind in a cloakroom?
A: Well, Winston Churchill was born in a ladies cloakroom and was one sixteenth Iroquois.

Q: You’ve always enjoyed the connection between fashion and history…talk to us about that.
A: Ok let’s take the two piece bathing suit, produced in 1947 by a French fashion designer. The sight of the first woman in the minimal two piece was as explosive as the detonation of the atomic bomb by the U.S. at Bikini Island in the Marshall Isles, hence the naming of the bikini.

Q: List some artists who have shaped your creative life.
A: Okay, here are a few that just come to me for now: Kerouac, Dylan, Bukowski, Rod Serling, Don Van Vliet, Cantinflas, James Brown, Harry Belafonte, Ma Rainey, Big Mama Thorton, Howlin Wolf, Lead Belly, Lord Buckley, Mabel Mercer, Lee Marvin, Thelonious Monk, John Ford, Fellini, Weegee, Jagger, Richards, Willie Dixion, John McCormick, Johnny Cash, Hank Williams, Frank Sinatra, Louis Armstrong, Robert Johnson, Hoagy Carmichael, Eurico Caruso.

Q: List some songs that were beacons for you.
A: Again, for now… but if you ask me tomorrow the list would change, of course.
Gershwin’s second prelude, “Pathatique Sonata”, “El Paso”, “You’ve Really Got Me” (Kinks), “Solider Boy” (Shirelles), “Lean Back” (Fat Joe), “Night train”, “Come In My Kitchen” (R.J.) “Sad Eyed Lady”, “Rite of Spring Ode to Billy Joe”, “Louie Louie”, “Just a Fool” (Ike and Tina), “Prisoner of Love” (J.B.) “Pitch a Wing Dan Doodlec (all night long)” H. Wolf, “Ringo” (Lorne Green), “Ball and Chain”, “Deportee”, “Strange Fruit”, “Sophisticated Lady”, “Georgia On My Mind”, “Can’t Stop Loving You”, “Just Like A Woman”, “So Lonesome I Could Cry”, “Who’ll Stop The Rain?”, “Moon River”, “Autumn Leaves”, “Danny Boy”, “Dirty Ol’ Town”, “Waltzing Mathilda”, “Train Keeps a Rollin”, “Boris the Spider”, “You’ve Really Got a Hold On Me”, “Red Right Hand”, “All Shook Up”, “Cause Of It All”, “Shenandoah”, “China Pig”, “Summertime”, “Without a Song”, “Auld Ang Syne”, “This is a Man’s World”, “Crawlinking Snake”, “Nassun Dorma”, “Bring it on Home to Me”, “Hound Dog”, “Hello Walls”, “You Win Again”, “Sunday Morn’ Coming Down”, “Almost Blue”, “Pump It Up”, “Greensleeves”, “Just Wanna See His Face” (Stones), “Restless Farewell”, “Fairytale of NY”, “Bring Me A Little Water Sylvie”, “Raglan Road”, “96 Tears”, “In Dreams” (R. Orbison), “Substitute”, “Good Time Charlie’s Got The Blues”, Theme from Rawhide, “Same Thing”, “Walk Away Rene”, “For What it’s Worth”, theme from “Once Upon A Time In America”, “Nowadays Clancy Can’t Even Sing”, “Oh Holy Night”, “Mass in E Minor”, “Harlem Shuffle”, “Trouble Man”, “Wade in The Water”, “Empty Bed Blues”, “Havanagila”

Q: What’s heaven for you?
A: Me and my wife on Rte. 66 with a pot of coffee, a cheap guitar, pawnshop tape recorder in a Motel 6, and a car that runs good parked right by the door.

Q: What’s hard for you?
A: Mostly I straddle reality and the imagination. My reality needs imagination like a bulb needs a socket. My imagination needs reality like a blind man needs a cane. Math is hard. Reading a map. Following orders. Carpentry. Electronics. Plumbing. Remembering things correctly. Straight lines. Sheet rock. Finding a safety pin. Patience with others. Ordering in Chinese. Stereo instructions in German.

Q: What’s wrong with the world?
A: We are buried beneath the weight of information, which is being confused with knowledge; quantity is being confused with abundance and wealth with happiness. Leona Helmsley’s dog made 12 million last year… and Dean McLaine, a farmer in Ohio made $30,000. It’s just a gigantic version of the madness that grows in every one of our brains. We are monkeys with money and guns.

Q: Favorite scenes in movies?
A: R. De Niro in the ring in Raging Bull. Julie Christie’s face in Heaven Can Wait when she said, “Would you like to get a cup of coffee?” James Dean in East of Eden telling the nurse to get out when his dad has had a stroke and he’s sitting by his bed. Marlena Dietrich in Touch of Evil saying “He was some kind of man.” Scout saying “Hey Mr. Cunningham” in the scene in To Kill A Mockingbird. Nic Cage falling apart in the drug store in Matchstick Men…and eating a cockroach in Vampire’s Kiss. The last scene in Chinatown.

Q: Can you describe a few other scenes from movies that have always stayed with you?
A: Rod Steiger in Pawn Broker explaining to the Puerto Rican all about gold. Brando in The Godfather dying in the tomatoes with scary orange teeth. Lee Marvin in Emperor Of The North riding under the box car, Borgnine bouncing steel off his ass. Dennis Weaver at the motel saying “I am just the night man,” holding onto a small tree in, Touch of Evil. The hanging in Oxbow Incident. The speech by Rutger Hauer in Blade Runner as he’s dying. Anthony Quinn dancing on the beach in Zorba. Nicholson in Witches of Eastwick covered in feathers in the church as the ladies stick needles in the voodoo doll. When Mel Gibson’s Blue Healer gets shot with an arrow in Road Warrior. When Rachel in The Exorcist says “could you help an old alter boy father?” The blind guy in the tavern in Treasure Island. Frankenstein after he strangles the young girl by the river.

Q: Can you tell me an odd thing that happened in an odd place? Any thoughts?
A: A Japanese freighter had been torpedoed during WWII and it’s at the bottom of Tokyo Harbor with a large hole in her hull. A team of engineers was called together to solve the problem of raising the wounded vessel to the surface. One of the engineers tackling this puzzle said he remembered seeing a Donald Duck cartoon when he was a boy where there was a boat at the bottom of the ocean with a hole in its hull, and they injected it with ping-pong balls and it floated up. The skeptical group laughed but one of the experts was willing to give it a try. Of course, where in the world would you find twenty million ping-pong balls but in Tokyo? It turned out to be the perfect solution. The balls were injected into the hull and it floated to the surface, the engineer was altered. Moral- solutions to problems are always found at an entirely different level; also, believe in yourself in the face of impossible odds.

Q: Most interesting recording you own?
A: It’s a mysteriously beautiful recording from, I am told, Robbie Robertson’s label. It’s of crickets. That’s right, crickets, the first time I heard it… I swore I was listening to the Vienna Boys Choir, or the Mormon Tabernacle choir. It has a four-part harmony it is a swaying choral panorama. Then a voice comes in on the tape and says, “What you are listening to is the sound of crickets. The only thing that has been manipulated is that they slowed down the tape.” No effects have been added of any kind except that they changed the speed of the tape. The sound is so haunting. I played it for Charlie Musselwhite and he looked at me as if I pulled a Leprechaun out of my pocket.

Q: You are fascinated with irony, what is irony?
A: Chevrolet was puzzled when they discovered that their sales for the Chevy Nova were off the charts everywhere but in Latin America. They finally realized that “Nova” in Spanish translates to “no go.” Not the best name for a car… anywhere “no va”.

Q: Do you have words to live by?
A: Jim Jarmusch once told me “Fast, Cheap, and Good… pick two. If it’s fast and cheap it wont be good. If it’s cheap and good it won’t be fast. If it’s fast and good it wont be cheap.” Fast, cheap and good… pick (2) words to live by.

Q: What is on Hemmingway’s gravestone?
A: “Pardon me for not getting up.”

Q: How would you compare guitarists Marc Ribot and Smokey Hormel?
A: Octopus have eight and squid have ten tentacles, each with hundreds of suction cups and each have the power to burst a man’s artery. They have small birdlike beaks used to inject venom into a victim. Some gigantic squid and octopus with one hundred foot tentacles have been reported. Squids have been known to pull down entire boats to feed on the disoriented sailors in the water. Many believe unexplained, sunken deep-sea vessels, and entire boat disappearances are the handiwork of giant squid.

Q: What have you learned from parenthood?
A: “Never loan your car to anyone to whom you’ve given birth.” - Erma Bombeck

Q: Now Tom, for the grand prize… who said, “He’s the kind of man a woman would have to marry to get rid of”?
A: Mae West

Q: Who said, “Half the people in America are just faking it”?
A: Robert Mitchem (who actually died in his sleep). I think he was being generous and kind when he said that.

Q What remarkable things have you found in unexpected places?
A:
1. Real beauty: oil stains left by cars in a parking lot.
2. Shoe shine stand that looked like thrones in Brazil made of scrap wood.
3. False teeth in pawnshop windows- Reno, NV
4. Great acoustics: in jail.
5. Best food: Airport in Tulsa Oklahoma.
6. Most gift shops: Fatima, Portugal.
8. Most unlikely location for a Chicano crowd: A Morrissey concert.
9. Most poverty: Washington D.C.
10 A homeless man with a beautiful operatic voice singing the word “Bacteria” in an empty dumpster in Chinatown.
11. A Chinese man with a Texan accent in Scotland.
12. Best nights sleep-in a dry riverbed in Arizona.
13. Most people who wear red pants- St. Louis.
14. Most beautiful horses, N.Y.C.
15. A judge in Baltimore MD1890 presided over a trial where a man who was accused of murder and was guilty, and convicted by a jury of his peers… and was let go- when the judge said to him at the end of the trial “You are guilty sir… but I cannot put in jail an innocent man.” You see - the murderer was a Siamese twin.
16. Largest penis (in proportion to its body)- The Barnacle

Q: Tom, you love words and their origins. For $2,000…what is the origin of the word bedlam?
A: It’s a contraction of the word Bethlehem. It comes from the hospital of Saint Mary of Bethlehem outside London. The hospital began admitting mental patients in the late fourteenth century. In the sixteenth century it became a lunatic asylum. The word bedlam came to be used for any madhouse- and by extension, for any scene of noisy confusion.

Q: What is up with your ears?
A: I have an audio stigmatism where by I hear things wrong- I have audio illusions. I guess now they say ADD. I have a scrambler in my brain and it takes what is said and turns it into pig Latin and feeds it back to me.

Q: Most thrilling musical experience?
A: My most thrilling musical experience was in Time Square, over thirty years ago. There was a rehearsal hall around the Brill Building where all the rooms were divided into tiny spaces with just enough room to open the door. Inside was a spinet piano- cigarette burns, missing keys, old paint and no pedals. You go in and close the door and it’s so loud from other rehearsals you can’t really work- so you stop and listen and the goulash of music was thrilling. Scales on a clarinet, tango, light opera, sour string quartet, voice lessons, someone belting out “Everything’s Coming Up Roses”, garage bands, and piano lessons. The floor was pulsing, the walls were thin. As if ten radios were on at the same time, in the same room. It was a train station of music with all the sounds milling around… for me it was heavenly.

Q: What would you have liked to see but were born too late for?
A: Vaudeville. So much mashing of cultures and bizarre hybrids. Delta Blues guitarists and Hawaiian artists thrown together resulting in the adoption of the slide guitar as a language we all take for granted as African American. But it was a cross pollination, like most culture. Like all cultures. George Burns was a vaudeville performer I particularly loved. Dry and unflappable, curious, and funny – no matter what he said. He could dance too. He said, “Too bad the only people that know how to run the country are busy driving cabs and cutting hair.”

Q: What is a gentleman?
A: A man who can play the accordion, but doesn’t.

Q: Favorite Bucky Fuller quote?
A: “Fire is the sun unwinding itself from the wood”.

Q: What do you wonder about?
A:
1. Do bullets know whom they are intended for?
2. Is there a plug in the bottom of the ocean?
3. What do jockeys say to their horses?
4. How does a newspaper feel about winding up papier-mâché?
5. How does it feel to be a tree by a freeway?
6. Sometimes a violin sounds like a Siamese cat; the first violin strings were made from cat gut- any connection?
7. When is the world going to rear up and scrape us off its back?
8. Will we humans eventually intermarry with robots?
9. Is a diamond just a piece of coal with patience?
10. Did Ella Fitzgerald really break that wine glass with her voice?

Q: What are some sounds you like?
A:
1. An asymmetrical airline carousel created a high pitched haunted voice brought on by the friction of rubbing and it sounded like a big wet finger circling the rim of a gigantic wine glass.
2. Street corner evangelists
3. Pile drivers in Manhattan
4. My wife’s singing voice
5. Horses coming/trains coming
6. Children when school’s out
7. Hungry crows
8. Orchestra tuning up
9. Saloon pianos in old westerns
10. Rollercoaster
11. Headlights hit by a shotgun
12. Ice melting
13. Printing presses
14. Ball game on a transistor radio
15. Piano lessons coming from an apartment window
16. Old cash registers/Ca Ching
17. Muscle cars
18. Tap dancers
19. Soccer crowds in Argentina
20. Beatboxing
21. Fog horns
22. A busy restaurant kitchen
23. Newsrooms in old movies
24. Elephants stampeding
25. Bacon frying
26. Marching bands
27. Clarinet lessons
28. Victrola
29. A fight bell
30. Chinese arguments
31. Pinball machines
32. Children’s orchestras
33. Trolley bell
34. Firecrackers
35. A Zippo lighter
36. Calliopes
37. Bass steel drums
38. Tractors
39. Stroh Violin
40. Muted trumpet
41. Tobacco Auctioneers
42. Musical saw
43. Theremin
44. Pigeons
45. Seagulls
46. Owls
47. Mockingbirds
48. Doves
The world’s making music all the time.

Q: What’s scary to you?
A:
1. A dead man in the backseat of a car with a fly crawling on his eyeball.
2. Turbulence on any airline.
3. Sirens and search lights combined.
4. Gunfire at night in bad neighborhoods.
5. Car motor turning over but not starting, its getting dark and starting to rain.
6. Jail door closing.
7. Going around a sharp curve on the Pacific Coast Highway and the driver of your car has had a heart attack and died, and you’re in the back seat.
8. You are delivering mail and you are confronted with a Doberman with rabies growling low and showing teeth…you have no dog bones and he wants to bite your ass off.
9. In a movie…which wire do you cut to stop the time bomb, the green or the blue.
10. Mc Cain will win.
11. Germans with submachine guns.
12. Officers, in offices, being official.
13. You fell through the ice in the creek and it carried you down stream, and now as you surface you realize there’s a roof of ice.

Q: Tell me about working with Terry Gilliam.
A: I am the Devil in the Imaginarium of Dr. Parnassus–not a devil…The Devil. I don’t know why he thought of me. I was raised in the church. Gilliam and I met on Fisher King. He is a giant among men and I am in awe of his films. Munchausen I’ve seen a hundred times. Brazil is a crowning achievement. Brothers Grimm was my favorite film last year. I had most of my scenes with Christopher Plummer (He’s Dr. Parnassus). Plummer is one of the greatest actors on earth! Mostly I watch and learn. He’s a real movie star and a gentleman. Gilliam is an impresario, captain, magician, a dictator (a nice one), a genius, and a man you’d want in the boat with you at the end of the world.

Q: Give me some fresh song titles you two are working on.
A: “Ghetto Buddha”, “Waiting For My Good Luck To Come”, “I’ll Be an Oak Tree Some Day”, “In the Cage”, “Hell Broke Loose”, “Spin The Bottle”, “High and Lonesome”.

Q: You’re going on the road soon, right?
A: We’re going to PEHDTSCKJMBA (Phoenix, El Paso, Houston, Dallas, Tulsa, St. Louis, Columbus, Knoxville, Jacksonville, Mobile, Birmingham, Atlanta). I have a stellar band: Larry Taylor (upright bass), Patrick Warren (keyboards), Omar Torrez (guitars), Vincent Henry (woodwinds) and Casey Waits (drums and percussion). They play with racecar precision and they are all true conjurers. I’m doing songs with them I’ve never attempted outside the studio. They are all multi-instrumentalists and they polka like real men. We are the Borman Six and as Putney says, “The Borman Six have got to have soul.”

Pipe down, Tito Puente!

Still feeling crappy. REALLY don't want to go to work tonight, but there's nobody else who can cover...

Just finished watching the LOST season finale...it was both satisfying and unsatisfying. It answered some questions but in a rather matter-of-fact sort of way. All in all, I give the season a "B". Maybe a "B+".

Yesterday when I got home from work, the doofus who lives next door and plays drums was playing his drums. For like 2 hours. So I got kinda sick of it and went over to tell him to shut up and Jeannie was getting home at the same time, so we went over together and she very diplomatically told him to shut the f*** up. I think when we went over and knocked on the door he thought we were the cops, so he never even opened the door and just talked to us from behind it. He did, though, seem genuinely clueless that his drumming might be annoying to the entire block, so at least he was just dumb and not malicious.

That's about it for now.

Memorial Day Weekend

We're back from another great Ohio trip. I always feel a little post-trip depression when I get home, and this time is no exception, but I also feel renewed. Ready to put more into creative projects, ready to remember that there's still another life out there that has nothing to do with being a manager at the B&N.

Here's what I want to remember from the trip:

1. got a speeding ticket on the way there. Yuck. I knew there would be extra police out for the holiday weekend, but still let my speed creep up too much.

2. Meeting young Jack, who is a big ol' slobber factory. And cute and curious and a frequent napper.

3. Baseball games in the backyard after dinner.

4. Really stinky farts during Phase 10. Losing to Schlueter by points.

5. Sitting at night, after the kids are in bed, talking. Old stories and new stories, laughing, silence. It's the best.

6. I started coming down with some sort of weird cold last night/this morning. Still feeling a little crappy but nothing too terrible. I am glad, though, that I'm off work tommorrow.

If you live in Chicago, go see North!

Very Gay -4 -3 -2 -1 This Post 1 2 3 4 Very Straight

I'm having a pretty damned good day. I'm just coming off of a long stretch of work, and today's been my first day off in awhile, and I've been enjoying my sunshine and solitude. Started off the day with a good trip to the gym, then took a decent walk to the Radioshack and Giant G at the Rotunda to purchase a new cordless phone battery, a set of precision screw drivers (for small electronics, so I can figure out what in the hell is wrong with the touch pad on my MP3 player and stop being forced to listen to it in random all the time), some salt n' vinegar potato chips, bananas, chicken patties, and bread. On the walk and back, I took a detour along this trail that is near our house that sorta runs through some kinda woods, and it was just a damned nice walk in the semi-sun, with headphones, and I felt like a 10 year old kid. But happier, because I was a miserable little sad bitch of a 10 year old.

When I got home, I did some dishes, and then decided to surprise the J-Dog by making some quinoa salad for us to enjoy together for dinner. So I walked down to Eddie's and bought a red pepper, lime juice (cause I didn't feel like squeezing 6 limes to death [and, I gotsta save the real limes for the G&T's, yo]), cilantro, and green onions. And I came home and made some quinoa salad that, when I tried it, tastes a little too...spicy, maybe...it's too something, but I can't quite tell what. But anyway, hopefully we'll have enough left to bring some to Ohio with us when we leave for Ohio tomorrow.

That's another reason why it's been such a good day. All day I've been looking ahead to our trip tomorrow evening; picking up the J-Dog from work tomorrow at 4 (with 2 vegetarian fajita burritos from Chipotle in the back, and a bag of salt n' vinegar chips, and bananas, and nuts 'n raisins), hopefully missing the traffic, getting out of Baltimore, cranking up the tunes and hittin' the road. Aah, it is the best. Can't wait to see the cool kids. Speaking of the cool kids, check out this little enticing snippet from the play that Schlueter wrote and directed:



I think that from this clip it's pretty obvious that the play is a thinly-veiled reference to the brief but passionate affair that Schlueter and I had back in Kirksville. (does the bald guy in the video look like anybody you know?)


And, I don't want you to think I'm gay (what with all the quinoa salad and such) so here's something manly that I found amusing from my friend Jeff's blog:

Schminventory

I'm just getting in from an inventory, and because inventories always make me think of Bewley, I'm enjoying a tasty Guinness in her honor.

On the drive home:

1. The moon was bright.

2. I saw a deer not too far outside the city limits, on Charles Street.

2. I listened to 2.5 Dan Fogelberg songs. And enjoyed them, dammit.

I'm just getting over the mild cold I've had for the past few days, and feeling like I need a day off work. Unfortunately, I still have a couple more days to work before I get that day off. But then it's off to Ohio and the fun begins...

When I was walking into our house tonight, I felt like something felt very strange and then realized it was because there was no noise outside because of the late hour. I don't know that I've ever been here and not heard some type of noise, somewhere. But not tonight. It felt totally quiet. Weird.

Welcome back, Ricky.

I hesitated, not knowing if Elz' new blog was going to take off or die a slow death like the last one, leaving me staring at a page that said IMAGINE A BLANK SPACE whenever I checked to see if he had written...

But it looks like Eric is in it to win it this time, so I'm gonna go ahead and link to it over there in the sidebar to make my daily shit-checking even easier.



And I'm getting sick.

PEHDTSCKJMBA

I am the proud owner of two tickets to see Tom Waits in Columbus, Ohio on June 28th.

Tom Waits is on my list of Top 5 People (or Bands) I'd Like to See in Concert Before I Die (whether it's possible or not). The list, in it's entirety, being (in no particular order):

Tom Waits
Jimi Hendrix
Bruce Springsteen
Bob Marley
Frank Sinatra

So, seeing as he's one of only 2 living people on the list, I figured I should do my best to get tickets. Well, now I just have to figure out the logistics of getting to the show...

By the way, if you're not sure what PEHDTSCKJMBA is, watch this.

A List of Gratitude

1. Headache gone

2. Made it to the gym today

3. Saw this video at the gym. The future is here!

4. I don't have to work till tomorrow night, which means I can attempt to get Tom Waits tickets tomorrow morning.

5. I've made it to page 350 of Mason and Dixon (just under half way!). Reading that book is kind of like walking through very deep snow. Enjoyable, but slow and tiring. I'd say that Infinite Jest is about 5 times more entertaining.

6. Trip to Ohio soon. Can not f@#$'in wait. Long overdue.

A List of Mild Complaints

1. Rip-roarin' headache

2. Bad tooth

3. Had to work an inventory tonight at the Bowie store (about an hour away)

4. Late night driving makes me crave a cigarette

5. Had a fight with Korn at work the other day. Still relatively pissed.

6. Didn't get to see my ladyfriend at all today

7. Wasted the day

8. Feel like tomorrow's gonna be another wasted day

It's raining hammers, it's raining nails

It has been raining a lot lately, which means our apartment is leaking, and it means that the store is leaking, and trees are falling over, and all sorts of shit like that.

Yesterday I got a big stack of CD's from the library, catching up on some older releases that I'd been interested in but never picked up, including:

Johnny Cash, The Great Lost Performance. I give it a "B+". A concert from 1990, which was when he was starting to sound old, but still had that great Johnny Cash thing goin' on. Listening to it makes you proud to be an American.

The Stars of the Lid, And Their Refinement of the Decline. A solid "A". If you ever need background music for anything, but especially something relaxing, look no further than Stars of the Lid. It's soothing without being new age bullshit.

Hem, Eveningland. A "B". I have mixed emotions about this album. I love the lush country-folk instrumentation (guitar, piano, pedal steel, strings) and the vocals and melodies are gorgeous, but at times it feels a little schmaltzy.

Sparklehorse, Dream for Light Years in the Belly of a Mountain. A "B+". Catchy yet weird, more accessible than other Sparklehorse albums. Not for everyday listening, but good to listen to when you're not sure what you're in the mood for.

The Twilight Singers, Powder Burns. An unfortunate "C-" (although I haven't finished the whole thing yet). Greg Dulli, please please please get an actual good producer to produce your next album (and stop acting and writing like a young, oversexed junkie).

Josh Ritter, The Historical Conquests of Josh Ritter. I haven't really listened to enough of this one yet. I liked The Animal Years, and so far this one doesn't sound as interesting, but it still sounds decent.

And a few others as well. (Hot Chip, Marah).

And now a few random thoughts:

1. I think I feel comfortable enough to say that the lime is my favorite fruit. I realized the other day that a lot of my favorite foods (and a few choice beverages) have a lime involved in some way. So let's celebrate the incredible, edible lime!

2. I think the umbrella is perhaps the stupidest invention ever. I would rather be absolutely soaked all day than have to carry an umbrella around for 5 minutes.

3. Writing that made me remember the time that Jeannie said: "I would rather poop in my pants and sit in it for an hour than watch Jay Leno." How true that is!

Aloha!

Miss LGG: I have also been listening to this CD lately. And no, I'm not joking. I'm a sucker for slide guitar and vibraphones.

I also did end up buying the new Black Keys' album, Attack and Release, which at first I was luke warm about, then I really liked a lot, and now I'm back to being luke warm about.

I shall post some songs on my handy-dandy little playlist player over there in the sidebar!

I spent the day today hanging out in the city and in Robert E. Lee park with my sister. Then went and enjoyed a tasty Thai dinner with me sister, her hubby, and the J-Dog.

Plans

Today I found this old picture, which is I think just about the weirdest picture ever. It is of my grandma and grandpa and, I think, my uncle. I played around with trying to use it as a CD cover for while. Looks like it was taken on the moon.



Somebody should write a movie about this picture...

I've been listening to Death Cab for Cutie's Plans album. I bought it the other day, along with Daniel Lanois' new CD, Here is What is. So far I much prefer the Death Cab. Death Cab seems to be really good at conveying vague melancholy. Although sometimes they're pretty good at conveying very specific melancholy, too. Is melancholia a word? If it isn't, it should be.

Busy day at work today.

Tomorrow I hang out with my sister, who is in town.

Now I'm gonna go soak my butt and drink a G&T.

Opening day, G&T season

Well, I feel a little bit better today, although a few people at work commented that I didn't seem my "usual self." Whatever that might mean. But, nonetheless, I feel better. The J-Dog and I had a great day yesterday, got to go outside and lay in the sunshine in the park. The first park we went to, Herring Run, seemed to be infested with caterpillars, so we headed to Clifton Park and enjoyed looking up at the trees and planes and watching the golfers. And while I am not a hippie and love the good, old fashioned, American indoors, I have to say that gettin' outside and enjoying the trees and sunshine was good for the ol' psyche.

I've been thinking about recording lately, and, more specifically, my method while I was recording 'Long Drive Home.' I realized the other day that my method has changed a lot since then, most notably in the fact that I used to use drum samples looped together and layered on top of each other, and then play along with the constructed drum lines. I think I'm gonna go back to that method, with the exception that I'm going to create my own drum samples instead of finding pre-existing samples on the web. I've experimented with it a little bit in the last couple of days and the results have been promising. So I think I'm gonna spend the next month or so building up a library of drum samples, before I even start to think about other instruments. It kinda takes away the pressure of starting with nothing and then trying to finish the day with a mostly-completed song.

I enjoyed my first G&T of the summer tonight. It seems to be doing the trick.

Should have a busy day at work tomorrow, but hopefully that should make it go by quickly.

Oh, and I got a call from my brother tonight, who told me that, contrary to what I had previously reported not too long ago, they will not be having another kid. False alarm, apparently.

Each week, of course...

Not too much going on. I feel like I could use a day off work, cause I've been tired and grumpy and and overly sassy lately.

Two nights ago Jeannie and I came into possession of a free ticket to a This American Life live satellite event that was beamed to a somewhat local movie theatre (and other theatres around the country). So that was cool, we headed down to a theatre in Columbia, MD and watched Ira glass talk about stuff. It was good to go on an unexpected date, and it was fun to see something live, something that wasn't afraid to show things going not-right (technical glitches, people adjusting to unexpected questions/situations on the fly) on a large, national scale.

Then last night we went to a dinner gathering of folks from Jeannie's job. Which was fine. Good food, low-key. Then I went home and watched the latest episode of LOST, which was pretty uneventful but not the worst episode ever.

Anyway, I feel like I'm ready for another vacation already. This sucks.

My sister and her husband will be in town for a visit this week. Looking forward to it.

Salisbury Steak

Enough about turds. Although, yes, Miss LGG, it was a nice turd.


Today I was working at a store on the Eastern Shore of Maryland, which meant that I had to drive 2 1/2 hours to and from work. Which kinda sucked. But they're paying me 50.5 cents per mile, which means I'll make an extra 120 bucks for my trouble. Which I can use. I went down there to train some dude. Who was from Belfast so he talked funny.

I am tired this evening. But my girlfriend has promised me ice cream if I go for a walk with her, so it looks like I'll be going for a walk. I hope the ice cream doesn't give me immediate and forceful diarrhea. But just to be on the safe side, I don't get the ice cream until the end of the walk.

You shoulda seen the dinner I made for myself tonight: two burgers, green beans, baked potato (My name is potato!), and a big glassa milk. Yum goddam yum.

Jeannie just said:

"Don't you fuckin' look at me! Grrrrr!"

To my homeboys:

If you're ever out and about, maybe hanging at your local grocery store or, I don't know....say a bookstore, and you think it would be a funny joke to take a shit in one of the urinals in the men's room, don't do it. Cause somebody is gonna have to clean your turd(s) out of the urinal. And that somebody might be the only male manager in the building, even if it's the music manager, who has nothing even vaguely resembling "turd removal" in his job description. Think about it.

Um, I forget...what was your name again?

I found this YouTube clip on the blog of someone I don't know.

The woman in it kinda reminds me of myself.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=gdXfML9gUmU

But then again, the animated potato also reminds me of myself.

The Office

Jesus Christ. I had to go to an 8 hour meeting today, and the topic of said meeting was the book The Five Dysfunctions of a Team. This, by itself, equals a bad day, but my day was made even more painful by the fact that:

1. 6 of the 8 members of the "team" (including myself) had had this meeting before, about 6 months ago, but at least then it was stretched out over 6 weeks. So we were talking about all the same shit except with 2 new people.

2. I had to poop for the entire 8 hours.


Fuck this.

Spring Wind (or, I am a big can of clever)

I found out today from my brother that he and his wife are expecting bambino numero 3. Huzzah!

The weather here has been beautiful lately, it's getting warm (at times a little too warm...a too-early preview of the hot bullshit that is to come...) and sunny and thus it is, for the most part, nice to be outside. So I spent a good portion of the day in bed. And then went to work, which was boring and stupid.

Tomorrow the J-Dog will be gone for at least a good chunk of the day, and I have the day off work, so I will be forced to drum up some entertainment for myself. At the moment I have grand schemes of going grocery shopping, doing laundry, dishes, and going to the gym. We'll see how it all pans out. I would also like to start working on the next Spiff song.

I have, for the first time in the 8 or so years that the book has been sitting on my shelf, reached page 100 in Mason and Dixon. I'm a little unnerved, because once I've finished this book, I don't have any other books on my "I will finish this book one day, goddammit." list. There are a couple of books that I may or may not read (Moby Dick, Don Quixote) but none that I've sworn to conquer.

If you're feeling nostalgic for some mid-80's, feminine male, British, politically savvy pop music, go get yourself the Housemartins' cd's, London 0 Hull 4 and The People Who Grinned Themselves To Death. Some catchy shit. WARNING TO BJ AND POSSIBLY OTHERS: Several members of the Housemartins went on to form The Beatiful South, so if you don't like The Beautiful South you probably won't like the Housemartins. FUN FACT: Norman Cook, aka Fatboy Slim, was the bass player for the Housemartins.

Huzzah!

Two and 2

Only a quick 2 things to note:

1. Last night I began, yet again, to read Mason and Dixon. It made more sense than I remember it making. Maybe I will make it past page 30 this time. This one's for you, BJ. You owe me an Infinite Jest attempt.

2. I think I might have finally put together a decent mix of the Seanyboy song I've been working on. I just have to take it to work tomorrow to test it on our super-bass headphones.

Oh, and if you want to see picture of a good kid lookin' like an idjit, check out the Schluetermetz blog today.

I am a failure. And a loser.

Got up early this morning to go to a meeting at work that had been canceled. So I went to the gym instead. Came home and worked on a lot of music of different varieties. I spent some time last night and continued today) working on a song of my own that I knew was a big waste of time because it was too repetitive and got too muddy. And I was right, it was a big waste of time because it's too repetitive and gets too muddy. Also spent some time trying to mix one of Seanyboy's songs but it never really came together. So I'll work on that one again tomorrow. And then I also worked on another song of my cousin's, and the jury's still out on that one, but if I decide to put more effort into it, it's gonna need a lot more effort, so I have to decide whether it's worth the time or if I should just start over.

Then I took a nap and then I went to work.

So today was kinda frustrating, but not too frustrating because I didn't have any high hopes. Tomorrow I'm off work (for the most part) and so hopefully I'll be able to put more focus into working on Sean's song.

I was thinking about collaborative art the other day, and I decided that I function best during the early stages of a project: getting from the point where you have a few ideas and not much else and making something worthwhile out of them. I'm really not very useful once the project has progressed past that point and you want to turn it into something good and beautiful and detailed and polished.

Plans for a potential trip to Ohio in late May are brewing.

Old Potatoes

I've been sitting here for a few minutes trying to come up with a good title for this blog, but nothing interesting is surfacing. Nothing witty, nor pleasantly mundane, nor unintentionally poignant.

It's easier to make potato wedges than it is to make potato chips.

Yesterday on my day off I did very few of the things that I had proposed that I was going to do. I ate no bacon (I did defrost some, though). I spent no more time outside than I did inside, but had a balanced mix of indoor and outdoor activities. I did a lot of cleaning. I took our broken TV to the recycling place. I consciously took a day off of working on music, even though it probably would have been a decent day to work on music.

Weather's been getting warmer. I took the winter coats off of the hooks in the hallway and put them in the coat closet.

I think I found the source of the gnats. (old potatoes)

Cuttin' it down to size

This goddamned blog takes too damn long to load. And so, although I like the idea of the whole thing unfurling like a Chinese scroll when you load the page, I'm going to tell it to only show a portion of the posts on the first page. For those of you who like to re-read all of the previous posts to feel caught up whenever I post a new post, I apologize for the inconvenience that this might cause.

Work has been kickin' my ass around for the last few days. But I'm off tomorrow and I plan on relaxin' and eatin bacon.

Mixing the songs that Sean and I worked on is also kickin' my ass. It's just been slow going.

Random lightning round:

A few days ago Jeannie and I saw two beavers.

I have some sort of subterranean pimple underneath my right eyebrow.

Yes, Schlueter, I probably do still have that old white T-shirt from the photo I found. In fact, I might currently be wearing it.

Spiff is going to be opening up for Michael Franti and Spearhead. I saw Michael Franti in the very early 90's when his band The Disposable Heroes of Hiphoprosy opened up for U2.

My car has been in the shop for the last few days. Jeannie talked to the mechanic yesterday and today and he says that my car has stumped him and he hates my car.

I am getting rid of a lot of my books and keeping only the essentials.

I'm thinking about getting the new Black Keys album.

J-Dog and I both really like Newcastle beer.

I realized today as I drove to work that if J-Dog and I lived in a house instead of an apartment I would probably throw parties.

Not looking forward to the summer heat.

Weird little gnats are coming from somewhere...

I'm either going to spend tomorrow entirely inside or I'm going to try to get outside.

The Remix Project (or, 350 and rollin'!)

Well, this is a first.

Someone who I don't know contacted me via Myspace and told me that they found one of my songs (27) on a music download site and remixed it. I am flattered. And I like the remix.

You can listen to it here. It's the track called "I'm sorry." It was recommended to me to listen to it in headphones because it hasn't been mixed yet.

Anyway. That's kinda weird and cool and it feels strange.

I went out tonight after work with folks from work to commemorate Adrienne's last day at the B&N. It was a good time. So now that I'm home I'm continuing the party with a beer and a baguette.

The Alaska trip has been on my brain ever since we've been back. People have asked if I want to move to Alaska now that I've visited, and the honest answer is no, I don't really feel like it's the place for the J-Dog and I to move. Alaska seems to be a place for people who know that they're meant to be there. And I thought it was gorgeous and peaceful and fun, but I don't think I'm meant to be there. But damn, it was good to see Seanyboy. There's something musical that clicks between he and I that makes both of us do better work than we do individually, I think. I feel like if we had a week to hang out with nothing else to do, we could write a hundred good songs. So we decided that the next visit we have will be a writing visit rather than a recording visit.

I've been spending my free time mixing the songs that Sean and I worked on. It's been going pretty well. I think that everything we worked on is really solid, and it's just a matter of making it sound as good as it possibly can. Things are starting to shape up...

Tomorrow the J-Dog and I get to spend all day together, which should be pretty awesome. We started some Spring cleaning today (gathering together all the old clothes we don't wear) and I hope to continue tomorrow, getting rid of more shit we don't use.

The Jeanners and I bought some dice.

Meh.

I just farted and it smells like I pooped in my pants.

I never really woke up today. I had some whack dreams last night (partially about LOST, partially about working at the power plant, partially un-remembered) that kept me active and calling out in my sleep ("Jack!") (that was the part about LOST).

Been kinda busy at work.

Have chores to do but don't feel like doing them.

This week I bought a massive package of chicken patties for $4.99 and I took them to work with a loaf of bread and I've been enjoying chicken sandwiches for my lunches. Truly tasty.

Multimedia

Spiff and Cole's House in Girdwood.



I model my borrowed Xtra Tuffs. Get used to seeing that shirt...



Sean and Jeannie, on a short walk near Spiff and Cole's house.



J-Dog and I with Milo the Dog. Not too far from Sean and Cole's.



Group shot outside the cabin at the Matanuska Glacier. From left: Cole, Sean, Tiff, Ben, Me, the Jeanners, Matt. The dogs: Chica, Milo, Kota.



Me and the Jeanners at the Matanuska Glacier.



Spiff and Cole at the glacier.



Playing guitar in the cabin.



Standing in front of Turnagain Arm, somewhere between Anchorage and Girdwood.



Spiff and Tony laying down some phatness.



The view from the mountain at the Alyeska ski resort.



Sean and Luke on Alyeska. Brotherly love.



Finally, some video of sledding:

Xtra Tuff

A quick summary:

March 27, 2008

Wednesday -- Our flight leaves Baltimore at 8AM, arrives in Anchorage at 4PM. Seanyboy picks us up at airport, we drive to Cole's office to pick her up. Decide to eat dinner at a place called Humpy's. Apparently, a humpy is a type of salmon. After dinner, we drive about an hour to get down to Girdwood. Beautiful drive along Turnagain Arm, but it's kinda cloudy and visibility is low. Arrive at Sean and Cole's house in Girdwood, they teach us a new dice game. We head out to Maxine's, a local bar where they have open mic night on Wednesday nights. Meet a few locals,
Listen to Sean play at open mic. Meet the owner of "the most beautiful laundromat in America". Tired. Head home to bed.

Thursday -- A beautiful day. Cole heads off to work in the morning; Sean, myself, the J-Dog and Milo (the dog) head out for a GORGEOUS walk, checking out the area around Spiff and Cole's house. Mountains, rivers, snow, blue skies. Very much like the picture I had in my head of what Alaska would be like. We get back to the house and have a little down time, and then Sean's brother, Luke, comes over and we drive in Luke's truck down Turnagain Arm. By this time, clouds have rolled in, but nonetheless a beautiful drive. Luke has some driving incidents, we tour downtown Girdwood, and then Luke drops us off back at Sean's house. That night, Sean and Cole have invited several friends over for a huge seafood feast. Huge Alaskan King Crab legs, shrimp, clams, salad, and potatoes. We met Ben and Tiff (friends of Sean and Cole), Luke and his girlfriend (Sarah), and Tony (who would later be coming back to play bass on the recordings that Sean and I were making). Also, Tony's son, Ashton, who was disappointed that there were no spiders or worms at Spiff and Cole's house. Good people, good food, and a very good time. I wish I had taken a picture or two.

Friday -- Sean and Cole had booked a night at a cabin overlooking the Matanuska Glacier, so on Friday morning we woke up, had some breakfast, and drove up to Anchorage to meet Ben and Tiff, who were also going to the cabin. Then we drove
another hour or two until we got to the cabin, which was in a beautiful, isolated spot out in the woods and mountains, with a gorgeous view of the glacier and the surrounding area. And it was an absolutely perfect day, which made things even better. We got to the cabin, unloaded our stuff, gathered and split some wood and got a fire going in the wood stove, and sat and admired the view for awhile. Then we all headed out for an exploratory walk, and found a hill that was perfect for sledding. So after Spiff slid down the hill on his back, we headed back to the trucks to see if we could find any makeshift sleds. We ended up using a tarp and some sort of plastic bed liner from one of the trucks, both of which worked pretty well. Had a great time sledding in several different locations, then headed back to the cabin for some brats and tofurkey. After dinner, Spiff and I played a little guitar, we got a nice fire going outside, and then had a somewhat testy game of CRANIUM WOW (tm). Some more sledding occurred, beverages were imbibed, and folks began to hit the hay one by one. Spiff and Ben and a guy Matt (who arrived at the cabin later in the evening) hung out outside until the wee hours.

Saturday -- We all woke up and packed up our stuff, then headed to the Long Rifle Lodge for a delicious breakfast with a super nice waiter who reminded me of J. Knese. It was another beautiful day, and a gorgeous drive back to Girdwood. I have no memory of what we did Saturday evening, but on late Saturday night, we drove Jeannie back to the Anchorage airport for her departure to Baltimore. On the way home, Sean and I stopped in at Chair 5 (a local bar/restaurant, also called THE DIVE) then stayed up until 6AM, talking and working on songs.

Sunday -- Sean and I worked on recording music most of the day Sunday, and then he and Cole and I went to Chair 5 for pizza. Vicious dice games after dinner.

Monday -- Sean and I spend the day working on music, we take a break to take Milo for a walk on the flats, and then Cole makes stuff pasta shells for dinner. Delicious. After dinner we played hearts, and Cole is accused of throwing the match in order to go to bed.

Tuesday -- Sean and I start working on music, and then get a call from Tony, who Sean had talked to about coming over and playing bass. So Tony comes over and lays down some sweet bass tracks. He's a great player, really fun to watch, and a super nice guy. Spiff and I finish up our tunes for the day, then Luke comes over and Spiff grills up some pork tenderloin. Also had mashers and asparagus. Once again, delicious. After dinner, a game of Euchre, which I had not played in about 15 years (although I think I did ok in Tuesday's game). As Luke was leaving and we walked out to his truck, Cole noticed a glow in the sky, which proceeded to develop into a display of the Northern Lights. Which was pretty cool. I have learned this: attempting to photograph the Northern Lights doesn't work very well.

Wednesday. -- Sean and I finish up any final recording we want to get done. Luke calls in the afternoon and tells us he has scored some free passes for the tram that goes up Alyeska mountain at the local ski resort, so he and Sean and I head over to the resort and head up the mountain, which is absolutely gorgeous. Some really unbelievable views. We head back to Spiff's, and Sean lays down cause he's feeling poorly. Cole and I spend a little time chatting, then head over to Coast (a local restaurant that used to sell tacos. When the current owners bought the place, they didn't have the money for a new sign, so they changed the name to COAST
and used the existing letters from the TACOS sign. One of my favorite stories that I heard while in Alaska) to pick up some subs for dinner. We watch last week's episode of LOST (which Spiff had been kind enough to tape for me, but which unfortunately
cut off right before the end), and then Sean drove me to the airport. And here I am, sitting in the Phoenix airport on my 4 hour layover, and I have to poop.

Some general observations about the trip:

* Alaska is gorgeous. Duh.

* All of the vacations that Jeannie and I have taken together have involved visiting family or friends. This has been a good thing. It is especially good when the friends you're visiting happen to be tour guides.

* Spiff and Cole are the best hosts you'd ever want to meet. They made plans for us, but not too much plans. They like hanging out and playing games. They sure know how to make folks feel comfortable and at home.

* Alaskan folks seem to wear boots called Xtra Tuffs. They are, indeed, extra tough. And waterproof. And awesome. If you go to Alaska and you don't have anybody who could loan you a pair, do yourself a favor and get some Xtra Tuffs.

* Steady, throughout-the-day recreational drinking seems to agree with me. Or rather, I agree with it.

* Going to Alaska and then coming home to Baltimore makes Baltimore feel sad and mean.

* Long plane rides are a form of birth control.

* Spiff and Cole are kind of celebrities in Girdwood.

* Being around lots of people in ski-wear makes me feel uncool.


Pics to follow....eventually....

The Pits

I haven't written much lately, but not much has been happening lately. So get off my tip already.

Here's the important things on my mind right now. 12:11 AM on Sunday, March 16th, 2008:

1. I have a little pain in my left armpit.

2. I bought a Temptations CD tonight at work, and while I haven't listened to the whole thing, what I did listen to in the car on the way home from work was G O O D, and pumped me up in the same way that listening to the Supremes pumps me up, but in a less gay way.

3. I am excited about our impending trip to the frosty North. And a little nervous. What if I die? What if my jeans are too tight to fit a pair of long underwear underneath and I feel fat and uncomfortable the whole trip? What if I die? But mostly I'm just excited and looking forward to hanging with Seanyboy and Colio. And having an adventure with the J-Dog.

4. The current state of our apartment has gone from "charmingly messy" to "embarassingly disgusting."

When ze Cat is Away...

While Jeannie was away at a strawbale building workshop for most of the weekend, here's what I did, in chronological order:

1. took off my pants.

2. took lots of drugs.

3. hired 7 prostitutes of various races, genders, and ages.

4. put on my rubber gloves.

5. ME AND THE PROSTITUTES FINISHED PUTTIN' MY MUTHAF***IN' PUZZLE TOGETHA! BOOYAH!